While local actress Rebecca Lim embraces motherhood now, there was once when she had never imagined herself as a parent.

The 38-year-old got candid in the recent episode of Rachel Lim's podcast Who We Are released yesterday (Aug 12). In the hour-long video, she talked about her previous relationships, losing her father, beauty standards and also if she had always wanted to be a mum.

Rebecca told Rachel — who is the co-founder of fashion brand Love, Bonito — that she never had the "urge" to be a mum and was happy being the "funty" (fun aunty) of her family.

"I just wanted to be the fun aunty to play [with the children]... I was very contented doing that, spoiling them, giving them the lollipop, ice cream, things that their parents would never allow them to eat. I love that role," she laughed.

However, she shared that meeting her husband, corporate professional Matthew Webster, changed her perspective of life.

She said: "I guess I met the right person at the right time. Matthew and I always talked about it, if we had met each other maybe 10 years ago, our relationship might not have worked out. We met each other when we were both ready at the perfect time for each other."

Rebecca added that Webster, whom she married in 2022, brought her peace and security in ways she had never felt before, which made her consider having a family with him.

'I didn't feel sexy at all, I felt horrible'

Rebecca also got candid about her pregnancy; while she was "enjoying every moment of being pregnant", she wasn't prepared for the "nasty parts of motherhood".

Rebecca, who gave birth to a son last January through natural delivery, recounted: "The recovery was so painful because I've always been very independent. I like to do things myself, I don't like other people doing things for me.

"During the recovery, I couldn't even walk to the toilet properly and the next day in the hospital, the nurse had to shower me. Oh my gosh, I wouldn't have imagined that... and I'm like, 'Oh dear, what did I get myself into?'"

She added she was worried about lagging behind in recovery and getting back into shape.

"I was perspiring and panting all the time just getting out of the shower, when I can finally shower after the confinement... I smelled like milk and saliva, and I didn't feel sexy at all, I felt horrible," she said, adding that she felt this way for a couple of months before things got better for her.

Rebecca returned to the camera two months after giving birth for Star Awards 2024 and accepted a hosting gig another two months later for her talk show With Love, Becks season 2. The latter was tough for her, especially when facing female colleagues who looked "absolutely, wonderfully gorgeous".

She also had to manage time for pumping milk as a breastfeeding mum.

Reflecting on her situation then, she thought she shouldn't have been so harsh on herself, especially about attending the Star Awards, where she had underestimated the stress of turning up and looking good for the event.

'I didn't feel 100 per cent at work'

Rebecca also spoke about mum guilt when she first began filming her upcoming English long-form drama Aunty Lee's Deadly Delights, which wrapped recently after nine months.

She recounted: "When I started filming, my son was maybe about seven months old. During the first two weeks of filming, I would be crying every day during lunch because I would be pumping [milk] in the room by myself and having lunch by myself.

"And it's not because I was alone that I was crying, it was more because I didn't feel 100 per cent at work... I could not memorise my lines as well as I did."

Rebecca added she didn't feel she could totally concentrate at work and at the same time she couldn't feel "100 per cent" as a mother because she had left her son at home.

She elaborated: "So I'm not here, not there. I felt terrible, guilty and inadequate as an actor and as a mother then, but it took me a few months to slowly get back into the swing of things and I really had to consciously make an effort to remind myself to be 100 per cent wherever I am."

Now when she is at work, she doesn't think about her boy and concentrates fully on work, and likewise, when she is at home, she leaves her phone aside to fully spend time with him.

"It has helped me so much because being at work and being 100 per cent there, I'm recharging and refueling myself, so that when I go home, I can be 100 per cent with my son... that has helped me find my new equilibrium in my life as a mum," Rebecca added.

 

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yeo.shuhui@asiaone.com