I really need to vent about this and any support is welcomed right now.

My long-term boyfriend has been extremely psychologically affecting me and it has been so intense lately. He’s been snapping over everything, everyday, screaming at me, belittling me, calling me names.

I cry nonstop these days. My crying makes him angry. Last weekend, he just exploded over the dumbest thing, and I broke down.

He wouldn’t stop. I went and hid in the bedroom, and had a two glasses of wine to calm down. He came in, saw me drinking and he just exploded. He said he’ll go to the store and get as many bottles as he can, so I can keep drinking.

Him saying this hurt me so much and somehow broke me even more despite me being completely broken from the previous argument. I had to stop him from going, because honestly, if he went and got them, I probably would have drank them and probably wouldn’t be writing this today.

He always says sorry after these episodes, but recently it’s like he’s not even trying to pretend he’s actually not sorry anymore. He stares so blankly each time he says it.

I feel so hopeless right now. I’ve recently (3 months ago) lost significant feeling in my feet and legs, and my hands have been affected too.

I can’t walk far without my symptoms worsening and it’s just so devastating. I had a doctor’s appointment last week and I was really looking forward to it, and he has been starting fights all around them. I didn’t sleep for days. On the day of my appointment, I was still upset from the night before where he was yelling, he screamed how he was going to leave me there if I didn’t stop crying. Everytime, I try so hard to explain to him that I’m crying because we are fighting, because things aren’t ok between us. When I say this, he starts going off that I am a “psychological manipulator”. It just gets worse and worse.

This is so hard to deal with right now, my body isn’t the same, and I can’t do much. I don’t get a lot of help around the house. I don’t have any friends, and any contact I would have (that he would know of), he’ll just somehow use it against me. I hate this. I’m trying so hard to keep my head together during this time, but I feel so worthless and like a complete failure.

I’m that this is so poorly written and probably doesn’t make sense, my head is a mess.