Boyfriend [25M] is upset with me because he is on a diet and I [22F] don’t want to partake on it. He thinks that it’s disrespectful that I eat whatever I want when I want.

My boyfriend has a gut and has been trying to lose it through exercising and being in a calorie deficit. I am too skinny (bony) and need to eat more rather than skip meals like I used to.

He has been increasingly irritated and upset with the fact that I want to eat 3 meals a day plus intermittent snacking. He will eat 2 at a push (2 small portioned meals) and will claim that he’s full. He told me that I could use his kitchen to cook whatever, so I cooked a 3 egg omelette and some bacon for breakfast and he lashed out and became very passive-aggressive with me. E.g. “when my son is here, we eat together and do not eat or make meals alone like you just did. We certainly don’t use our phones whilst eating”.

I was very taken aback. However, it has now become apparent that whenever I cook for myself, he becomes frustrated, commenting on the portions (which are normal) or that I need to eat something simpler like a sandwich instead of pasta. He has called me selfish for eating snacks like Lays in front of him, and that it’s unfair that I do it in front of a person genuinely trying to lose weight… But I need to GAIN weight. I am bony.

I went to get fast food but he has barred me from eating any of that kind of stuff and made me feel really guilty for even suggesting it. But he drinks a lot, a few drinks a day (beer). I keep telling him that’s what is making him not lose weight but he shifts it to my cooking (which is pretty healthy). He buys his son junk food all the time, and says he can eat it because he’s a kid and I’m not.

I feel guilty for eating around him and have had anxiety attacks over cooking, scared of passive aggressive remarks. I now don’t eat breakfast because I was made to feel so bad. How do I go about confronting him and tackling this in a healthy way?