Me and my fiancé is planning for our wedding. We both prefer to keep it simple. Just the ROM ceremony, a dinner among our immediate family and then go for honeymoon. His parents approve and gave us the blessings of this arrangement, however my parents are not so keen on this simple arrangement and would prefer a traditional approach to it.

My parents require guodali, (including sidianjin of gold – not able to accept rose gold as an alternative), wedding banquet, gate crashing, tea ceremony and picking of the bride. When asked about the meaning for most of the, they were unable to give the meaning and reason for it and just said “tradition must do” and hearsay from this auntie that uncle.

All our plans are currently on hold, and we are unable to progress any further. We understand that it is us that are getting married and we should do whatever that makes us happy, but do not want to sour the relationship with parents. We also do not want to do the whole traditional way as it is meaningless to us if it doesn’t feel like it is our wedding and inviting guest that we don’t even have close bonds with (aunties that ask us every year if we are still working at company A and every year we say we are at company B)

We understand it is impossible to please all, what should be the balanced approach?

P.S we don’t have financial difficulties but would rather use the money for something more meaningful to us like our future kid and upcoming bto. Both of us are average Singaporean family (9-5 job, staying in hdb)

Here are what netizens think:

I didn’t do wedding banquet cause I didn’t want it. Communicated to parents that I don’t like it. Banquet is for showing off tbh. Gate crash is for loud extroverts to have fun. I couldn’t deal with it. We did guodali (without sidianjin cause we aren’t Teochew but with pinjin) and tea ceremony. Tbh, yall really need to individually settle your own parents and come to a compromise. If they must have a dinner, just a restaurant dinner for close relatives. Can use no money as a reason since weddings are really expensive. Just say no budget, want to settle the house first, if they really really want a big wedding, need to delay for a few years. Yall really don’t have the money to afford it. Push it off as long as you can.

Talk to her parents again! Explain it plain and simple your gf needs to be on your side on this. If it doesn’t work out, just go ROM and go for your honeymoon, The wedding can wait, for example like my friend marrying without approval from her side. Didn’t spoke to them for 1 years till the child come along, their grandparents behaviour kicked in. Then all problems are solved the rest is history. sometimes things doesn’t go your way, you have to do it and the solution will come eventually. Oh the money that they save is now in their children’s account better future for the kids. And they did their wedding when the kids were 2 and 3.

You don’t have a choice. You need to be brave and stand up for your choices. And it is alright to stand up for what you want. Even to your parents.