If you’re one of the 12 million people who bought Elden Ring in the past few weeks, you have likely met Miriel, a.k.a. the Pastor of Vows, a.k.a. Pope Turtle, a.k.a. an instant addition to the Video Game Character Hall of Fame. Presumably, you befriend this rare, kind soul in the Lands Between. But Elden Ring is a game by FromSoftware, so you may have also wondered a thought so insidious that it must never be spoken: What would happen if I slay the Turtle Pope?