My ex broke up with me 4 months ago.

We continued texting after the breakup. Despite multiple attempts trying to win her back for first 3 months, she refused saying that we are not compatible, but we can still be close friends.

The Toxic Ex

I still harbour feelings for her and until now, i still cant move on.

We used to meet weekly for lunch as her workplace is opposite my school. Now that she has a new boyfriend (they dated for more than a month), I tried to distance myself from her because it’s hurts to see someone I love so much dating someone else that isn’t me… after knowing that she’s attached, I replied to her texts very briefly and late (probably 4-10 hours after) and she realised something was wrong.

I told her I was busy with uni as there are so many assessments to do but she doesn’t understand cuz she didn’t go uni, and she argued that even her other guy friends in NS can still text her even though they have restricted phone usage time, why me, a uni student who is supposed to have more free time, can’t text her? After that we argued but things are fine now

For the past 2 weeks, she keep initiating chats, calling me, asking for my availability to meet her, and even suggested at her house so that she can cook me food… I really want to ask her “what in the world do u want from me man??”

But of course I didn’t. She also asked if we can go for staycays at the end of this year, or go for a trip next year as planned when we were still together, and offered to be godsiblings, which is to her, a stronger bond than a relationship. I really don’t understand what is going through this person’s mind. Like she already has a new guy, why is she trying to keep me in her life??

Can anyone enlighten me on why? And… I really don’t want to be a second option ….. till now she’s telling me about the problems she’s facing at work, her family, her bf, and I find myself being too worried and concerned about her that it’s eating me inside that everyday I’m stressing and hating myself for still having feelings towards her.

Although I told her I will always support her till the end, i don’t think I can cope with it anymore ….

Every day I just want to block her number but I find myself way too soft-hearted to press that button. So, I’m living my life in misery everyday. Also my friends (mutual friends) are trying to invite her to our trip next year despite knowing we broke up, and I heard she agreed to it, which just make things so much worse…. I really hope I will get over this person very soon and not be involved in her life anymore.

I don’t understand how people can still be friends with their ex, because I know I can never be one.