It was 2019, and Maya Watson was thriving at Netflix. Her team was crushing it. Everyone told Watson how great she was, that she was knocking at the door of the most senior level of the company.

Yet, years went by. Plenty of promises and no action.

"When I would ask what's going on," says Maya, "I was met with some version of this..."

"With everything going on, It's just not the right time."

"We're working on a plan for you, sit tight."

"We need to see more from you."

"I became increasingly frustrated," Maya says. "I started to believe that maybe it was me. Maybe I wasn't ready."

Then, one day, Maya ran into one of her mentors, a well-respected VP at the company. Seeing that Maya looked frustrated, he asked if she was ok.

"No, I'm not ok," Maya replied. "What more do I need to show? How much longer do I have to wait?"

Maya's mentor chuckled. Looking her dead in the eye, he said:

"I have more than 200 people in my organization. It's not statistically possible for me to think about their development or roadmap for their life and career. You have to take matters into your own hands or you'll be waiting forever. No one is coming to save you."

Maya stood there speechless.

"He was absolutely right and I couldn't believe I never saw it that way until that moment," says Maya. "I have always believed that frustration comes from a gap between expectations and reality. It set me free."

That conversation set Maya on a new path. Within a couple of years, she left Netflix. And less than two years after that, she had cofounded a company and was working--and living--on her own terms.

All of this because Maya was able to finally see reality. She was able to "remove the illusion."

This story reminded me of a conversation I recently had with a friend. As an American living in Germany, I talk a lot about language and words, and this friend shared a brilliant German word with a fascinating meaning.

The word is Enttäuschung (pronounced ent-TOY-shung).

Enttäuschung is officially translated "disappointment," but there's a deeper meaning when you look at the literal breakdown of the word. Doing so teaches a major lesson in emotional intelligence, the ability to understand and manage emotions, as it can help you transform disappointment into something motivating and empowering.

What does the German word Enttäuschung have to do with Watson's story? And how can it help you? Let's discuss. (If you find value in this lesson, you might be interested in my free emotional intelligence course, which provides a new tip for building emotional intelligence every day for a week.)

How to use disappointment to motivate yourself

Disappointment, as defined by Oxford, means "sadness or displeasure caused by the nonfulfillment of one's hopes or expectations."

But where it gets interesting, is when we break down the word Enttäuschung. Literally, it means the following:

Ent(fernen) = RemoveTäuschung = Illusion

Remove the illusion.

In other words, we often feel disappointment when the illusion of our expectations is removed, and we are forced to face reality. But this feeling can prove useful if you learn to harness it effectively.

Harvard psychologist Susan David speaks about this in her book Emotional Agility. David explains how such emotions actually encourage us to slow down and think, to pay more attention to subtle details instead of relying on quick conclusions.

"'Negative' moods summon a more attentive, accommodating thinking style that leads you to really examine facts in a fresh and creative way," writes David. "When we're overly cheerful, we tend to neglect important threats and dangers . . . It's when we're in a bit of a funk that we focus and dig down."

This is the experience Watson had: Her expectation--that her boss(es) would see her ability, her potential, her hard work--was not reality. But discovering this empowered her to take action. 

The lesson: You can change the relationship you have with disappointment. It doesn't have to be saddening, or frustrating, or paralyzing.

You can make it motivating. Liberating. Empowering.

Yes, disappointment stings. But appreciate the fact that the wool has been lifted from your eyes. Then, use that newfound knowledge to help you make better choices--decisions grounded in reality. 

So, the next time you experience disappointment, take the time you need to process it. But then, take time to appreciate it.

The illusion is gone. Now it's time to act.