Napoleon, Ridley Scott’s 157-minute epic on (who else) Napoleon Bonaparte, is now finally streaming on Apple TV Plus. The two-and-a-half-hour film captures Joaquin Phoenix as Napoleon, and his rise as a Great Man, a great general, and a great little fucking weirdo. In particular, the movie is concerned with how his graceless climb led him to claim France (and beyond) for himself, while also constantly being bodied by his wife, Joséphine de Beauharnais (Vanessa Kirby, aka the new Sue Storm). He is never chill, but he is always, as Polygon’s Joshua Rivera put it in his review, “history’s most accomplished cuck.”