21yo F who needs some advice~ made a bad decision enrolling into a course i had zero interest in during polytechnic and that’s when everything started going downhill for me.

had to take an extra year because i messed up my studies~

because of this, i decided i didn’t want to get my degree as i was afraid of throwing my family’s money away if i were to fail.

anyway, after i attained my diploma cert, i decided to work and thats when i realised how difficult life is without having a degree cert.

i started feeling really anxious and stressed about not being able to land a well paid job and everything in life felt extremely meaningless. then came my gambling addiction.

at the start, everything was good. i gambled online for the mere purpose of feeling the adrenaline my life was lacking.

on top of that, i was winning decent amount every week and this kind of pushed away all my problems, especially my money problems i was facing in life.

that’s when i foolishly thought that i could make this my actual job and felt like i finally had a purpose in life (its okay, yall can laugh at me and call me ignorant, i 100% agree).

i eventually quit my job and just gambled everyday like a degenerate i was lol.

just when i thought things were finally going my way, before i know it, i was starting to chase my losses. gambling suddenly became a means for me to earn money and i was no longer placing bets for the adrenaline or fun.

in a matter of 2 months, i had lost 20k and even had to sell my stocks and crypto at a loss just to fill that hole i had burnt into my savings account.

this 20k was was a combination of small losses that occured before and 10k in an hour that i threw 3 weeks ago. eventually i had dug a grave so deep that even guan yin ma refuse to help me.

i struggled to battle the demon inside of me who was constantly telling me that i could win back what i lost and even more.

it was only when i was down to my last cents that i realised how badly i messed up and needed help. i sought help from a therapist but it didnt work and ultimately i decided that only i am able to help myself.

i have self excluded from online gambling and have not gambled for 9 days now.

you know what’s the strangest thing is? its the fact that i couldnt even bear to spend a few dollars buying myself something nice but i could be throwing a few thousands of dollars away at the casino.

money became immaterial to me when i was gambling but when i wasnt, it felt like it was everything. and despite having more than i needed, it always felt like i didnt have enough and just needed to have more.

2 months back, i decided to go back to school and take a degree in banking and finance. i told myself to stop gambling while i was still up overall from gambling, but clearly i was sick in the head for not being able to control myself.

now that im in school, the thought of my losses makes me struggle to focus in class. i really regret this path i have chosen and i would never wish this addiction on my worst enemy.

right now, im back at square one. still stressing about money and how long it would take before i could earn back what i lost. ive been losing my appetite and breaking out all over my face thinking about money.

i wish i could just be like every other people my age who have their shit together because i clearly dont. i want to make it in life, i really do.

i dont want to be 40 years old still trying to climb the corporate ladder, working a 9-5 job that pays you peanuts. i want to be able to save up enough to travel the world before i die because if not that, then what’s your purpose in life right?

we’re all enslaved to this system where its just study> work> pay bills > die. those who are smart will be able to get out of this cycle and those who dont… well they’ll just be depressed for the remaining of their days.

hence, my purpose of this post is to ask you guys for advice. how do i stop thinking so much about money when im only 21??

i feel like at this age i shouldnt even have to be thinking so much about my finances. my stance on money being important is going to ruin me zz i mean it already did thanks to my gambling addiction but i can still recover from that if somebody manages to give some life changing advice to me now (“: