Are there any other alcoholics around?

So i have been an alcoholic for a long time, i go thru atleast 5 cans (tall ones) a day.

I dont know if that is alot or normal.

Which has taken a big toll on my mental health. I am a high functioning alcoholic, meaning I don’t get drunk, I don’t like to get drunk, I get the buzz from beers go back home and sleep. Wake up fresh the next day and carry on.

Not all my drinking experience had been bad, its actually had been rather uneventful or good.

I have shared my previous experience drinking alone on a thread some time back..

My first drink was when I was in secondary 3. My secondary school was at sembawang, the school was surrounded by open fields, as far as the eye can see and on the other side of the field was a forested area, and if you walked thru it, you’d reach sembawang beach.

The place is no longer there if you’re wondering, its all flats now.

And one day after school, I believe it was some sports day or something as school ended at 10am, my school seniors asked me to join them to drink, so I said ok, we all each “choot” 5 dollars each, went to a mama shop in sembawang, bought a bottle of Red label and a few packets of ang oon (Idk how to spell it)

Yes, you read that right, in uniform. So anyways we made our away to sembawang park, I drank 2 cups, and I was GONE!, I didn’t know how I ended up home.

I also had tried weird and disgusting liquors in secondary school, like black cat and bengkilo (idk how to spell the last one, its was Chinese rice wine, smelled like rose water, we would mix it with red bull and drink it), I think black cat is banned, as I don’t see anymore.

And after secondary school, when I became legal to drink, the best and go to drink was dewars and coke or green tea under some block with a couple of friends and their girlfriends. where at times while drinking at random times in the middle of the night there’d be “BAM, BOOM, BAM’ sounds while I’d be drinking with my friends, and when I turned around to see the source of the sound, I’d see someone on the floor covered with blood and I’d go and help the person up. Or I’d see some random group charging at us, where’d I usually say to the charging group, “ I am not involved, I am not with them”, initially I scared, but eventually I found that telling them “ I am not involved” they’d usually leave me alone and I’d go my way. And eventually I found the group of friends not good to hang out with because of the above reasons, and moved away

I recall once, it was my ex secondary mate’s birthday celebration, so they booked some bbq pit around our area ordered food and drinks, my ex school mates parents and relatives were there too. After cutting the cake and eating, we decided to play some games, like those charades kinda game. This bbq pit we were in, was those old fashioned bbq pit where’d be surrounded by coconut trees, I don’t think these exist anymore.

Anyways, while playing, me and a friend decided to go for a smoke, so we walked towards these trees to smoke as we didn’t want to smoke infront of my friends parents.

While smoking, I saw 3 heavily tattooed dudes walking towards us, and they each had an object in their hand, 2 of them had a parang, and they were swinging it at the coconut trees. I initially thought they were cutting down the branch for wedding, as in indian weddings, they would hang threaded coconut tree leaves infront of their houses. But it was not that case, all 3 approached me and my friend. While pointing the parang at us, they asked me if I was this person, I said no I am not, and they asked where I was from, I just said I am not part of any group. And I think my friend’s dad saw this commotion, and my friends’ dad decided to bring 3 plates filled with cake, satay and stingrays came right between us, and said “hi guys, want some food, please join us”

I started drinking fully while i was in NS. And then after ORD-ing, i recall me and my fellow sqd mate would who lived a few blocks away, would wake up at 8AM apply for jobs till 1pm.

Meet at a close by mama shop buy a 6 pack each, drink till 4 pm. Headed home, showered, prayed at dinner, came back down, bought another 6 pack each and drank till 10.

Guess it we were drinking cuz we were just bored.

Anws, when I landed my first job,I kinda stopped drinking, but then as I grew older, I encountered some PSTD, got diagnosed with a string of mental issues. I found it extremely hard to seek treatment for mental health, its either expensive or the psychologist/psychiatrist were a bunch of money seeking morons. And I turned to alcohol. And I tried every weird stunts to reduce my alcohol, I thought maybe more expensive stuff would help, so I’d buy some 400 dollar bottle and cigars, go to some park and drink and smoke, didn’t help as I’d end up drinking the whole bottle in 2 days. I tried wine, I tried port.

Like for an example, I went to a private psychologist (who I shall not name but I wont recommend to anyone) some time back who charged big bucks.

The first session as with all psychologists if you didn’t know, would take longer and it will be more expensive then the a normal session, the first session with this doctor took 2 hours and I paid close to 600+

In the session, the doctor asked all the question blah blah blah and discussed my symptoms.

For some context, during this time, I was mountain biking weekly, and jogging daily, but I was also drinking daily. Which I specifically told the doctor, and made the doctor aware that I have been around the block meaning, I have visited other psychologist but their theapy didn’t help

Anws, towards the end of the session, usually the doctor would give you tips on how to deal with your symptoms. i.e relaxation techniques for MDD.

But this moron of a doctor told me to get more into nature, like one week once, and I was what you mean get into nature, she said go for a walk at one of the nature parks, as greenery and nature will help you calm down. And I was like I mountain bike, I get mud and grass in my underwear every week, how nature do you want me to get, unless I go back to tekong and re do field camp. I didn’t see what more nature I can get.

And then after the session, she told the reception to book me for 2 hours for the next session when the usual is 1 hour and when I asked why, I was told “ oh you can afford it what”

As for a psychiatrist, I went to one of the top private hospitals in Singapore for a psychiatrist.

When I entered the doctor’s office, the office was filled with chakras and those spiritual painting which was already a red flag, anyways, after spending less than 5 mins telling the doctor of what I am facing, this dude told me this “ ya ya, I can see it thru you when you entered my office”

I had my fair share experience with bomohs, but the last place I’d expect to see one was at a top private hospital in Singapore. Anws the meds he gave made me really really bad, it made me sooo much more worst, felt like puking all the time, started hallucinating, maybe he was a bomoh after all,well it went on for a year.

And then I decided to give IMH a shot. I am way much better now thanks to the staff and doctors there, and didn’t make hole in my wallet.

I have tried to quit alcohol a few times, but I’d go back to square one. Today is my 2nd day in my idk how many’th attempt to quit.

In all honesty, I don’t wanan totally quit alcohol. For an example, I like to have a couple of beers after my weekly mountain biking ride. Which is around 35KM.

The muddier and dirtier I am, the more shoik was it to have some beers sitting on some random floor, after my ride, I’d buy some beers, go behind some multi story carpark and drink a few beers. No matter what time, like if I returned by 10am, I’d still drink. And usually when people see me all muddy, bike caked with mud and me drinking, they’d usually smile or laugh. I don’t think I’d have that same reception without the mud. Funny.

I like to have a few cold beers after work, not everyday, but when I fell like it. Like maybe, Fridays, sit alone, scroll reddit, watch some random videos on youtube.

I recall recently, I was drinking at some park around 11pm and behind me sat some lady using her phone, a couple of minutes later a group showed up with a bag of drinks, I initially thought it was beers.

But no, it was canned drinks and packet drinks, and they all just sat there drinking and talking.

And I wondered, how do people to that.

And then I recalled, when I was in NS or before NS(after legal age,before the 1030PM law) me and my friends would sit under the block at the middle of the night, and drink monster, yes monster energy. And if I wasn’t with my friends, I be at home, drinking monster, or a big tumblr of black coffee making trance music as I wanted to be the next Armin Van Burren on a run down 6GB ram laptop with a broken keyboard ( I had to use on screen keyboard) and some crappy creative tech speaker and a torrented copy of FL studio and ableton on a half broken table with a plastic chair, while I tried my best to stay awake and make music

And now it’s the total opposite. I have huge 3 monitor setup, with top notch Mackie studio monitors, enough money to buy FL studios full suite. And a korg midi keyboard and a set of pionner CDJ sitting in my cupboard with clothes pilled on it. A big teak wood table with secret lab XL chair. And have no interest in making or listening to music. I sometimes wanna, I’d go to FL studio’s website, with my card out, thinking to buy, but then my crappy mental health comes killing that urge.

To think of it, I don’t have interest in anything. I started watching Modern family recently and got bored after 3rd season, now even though I am still watching it, I am just using it as background noise.

And do you realize alcohol is everywhere in Singapore. When you enter 7/11, the first few things you’d notice is a stack of carton of anchor beer. Yet the perception of alcohol is Singapore is not great.

It is not like in the west, where having a couple of beers after work a day is normal. When i tell my friends that i drink a few cans of beer everyday, to them its normal, it not considered alcoholic.

And the price of beers in singapore is expensive, The definition of an alcoholic is subjective though.

The funny thing about alcohol is, i am certain someone is gonan think i am talking out of my rear when i say this. But alcohol is actually helpful for you especially if you have mental health issues, i am talking about a few beers a day, i think that is honestly fine. As alcohol calms you down. Like if you have ADHD, beers really calms you down.

But anchor strong/anchor,tiger or any cheap beers tend to give you hair loss.

I am not advocating people drinking.

I honestly wont be alive if i didnt get too tipsy to do anything.

But I just wanna have a couple of beers right now. But I wont!

Are there any other alchohlics around?