I guess this gonna be long. I dated a guy from an online platform last year and I broke up with him recently. Things were okay at first but it was a roller coaster ride throughout after that.

The first couple of dates did not show the red flags until we were officially together. He does not have saving habits and cannot manage his own finance properly. I tried my best to find the methods that best suit him to save but he keep strongly rejecting the ideas and said it does not work on him as he know himself the best.

Soon I also found out he likes to gamble on frequent basis. At that time, it was soccer. But so long you gamble within your means / moderately for a bit entertainment, it is okay right? No, he plays big when he has the feels. There was one soccer match that he had “feels” for it and decided to bet a few thousands. Guess what? He lost all. His pay wasn’t a lot too and he’s in the force.

Later on he went on debts for several reasons, end up with no savings. He had to borrow from his parents to clear his debts. But when he already has debts and yet he still play mj and play quite big? To the extent where he will find strangers to play with. When i found out, i confronted him and he claimed playing mj is form of relaxation, to destress himself from all the problems he had. I initiated break up. Knowing he messed up, he asked for a second chance to prove himself. So I did. He did stop on the soccer bets and mj for a while.

It didn’t last long until we went overseas trip together this year and he gambled at the casino and lost more than sgd 5k. I wasnt with him that time and i get to know after. When i asked if he knew his current situation and why will he still want play so much? Like he didn’t think of the consequences beforehand and losing this amount was seem okay to him? He told me he didnt think of anything else atm and likes the thrills when playing. Same goes to arcade like tz, cpcm, he can spend quite a lot that you cannot imagine in one day.

Again, borrowed money from parents to pay off his loss in gambling plus with his ongoing debts. At that time, knowing he in real deep trouble, he cried and said he will change for better for real this time. Giving a benefit of doubt that he will change for the better this time, i stayed to go thru the tough times with him. But then again, how foolish of me to think he will change since leopard cannot change its spots? I was constantly thinking about the future. What if I’m together with him with kids, how am i suppose to take in and live with gambling and other stuffs?

The parents are very nice people and treat me well. The mum knows his pattern very well, told him to tell me not to waste my time with him with his situations like that. I really feel heartache and pity for his parents. I guess no parents want their children to be like that right but sadly they have to deal with it? He’s a freaking working adult.

We also had quarrels on other things as well during this rs due to different communication styles and mindsets. I also found out he is manipulative and being double standards. His thinking is immature and living in his own bubble. Sometimes we happened to quarrel during his work time, he would threaten me that he’s at work or else he will do stupid things. Hence, I will have to give in.

He once told me, he sought for drinking and gambling to release out every time we quarrel. That’s also I know it’s the end for us. He can choose other forms of coping mechanisms eg: exercise but he choose those. Even the partner isn’t me, and he quarrels with his future partner, he will still choose his poisons as his coping mechanisms.

There’s a lot more things also contribute and to consider, hence we decided to break up amicably for good.

After we broke up, I do feel relieved as I think I wasn’t really happy in the rs at all, even there were happy moments. Certain times, I was stressed out because of the rs. Thinking back, I think i was in my lowest point and I was never really happy. My friends can sense I wasn’t happy and stressed out often. Right now, I feel like I’m at a better place, finding peace and giving some self love I have never given myself before. I cared other people that I forget to care for myself.

1 month after we broke up, he found a new girl, should be online platform as well. Well, quite expected as it seemed he did the same to me previously. And probably he scared being lonely and wanting to fill up his emptiness or that’s his coping mechanism. He broke up with his previous ex that time and a few months in found me. Also, He has a quite a number of exes before me.

They seems to be on honeymoon period and with that I think the girl have yet to find all these red flags and truth from him.

I’m wishing the new girl good luck and all the best until she found out all the red flags and debts. Unless he hides it very well from her and no intentions to tell her? But I also feel like telling the new girl about his red flags so she won’t get hurt eventually. Should I tell her, or ignore and let it be?