I’ve rewritten this so many times before posting and it’s been too long of a read so to sum things up, I 22F have been with my husband 26M for 3 years. 1 year of dating, 1 year engaged, and 1 year married now. We’ve been together since I was 19.

My husband feels like I am selfish for taking care of myself or only thinking about myself in our marriage. It sounds wrong but hear me out! I have given up a lot for my husband. I was in uni when we met. I dropped out, quit working, and became the ideal housewife because his parents wanted him to marry someone who would come and take care of them and wouldn’t accept me any other way.

His family constantly nitpicks me and complains that I’m not good enough for him because I’m not skinny, Christian, or pretty. His mom is never satisfied with anything I do and ensures to keep both me and him on a tight leash. Especially me. We both are limited to the things we can do because his mom gives us a hard time any time we do anything she doesn’t like.

After all this time, im sick and tired of putting up with all the bs. They limit me all the time. Put these outrageous restrictions and requirements on me and when I can’t fulfil them then I’m just the bad one. His family treats me like dog S… and steps all over me, he barely defends me and almost always justifies the things they do or say I don’t see the bigger picture/not mature enough, etc. my husband cannot provide for me emotionally because he chooses his family over me.

So I began to take care of myself by trying to do what makes me happy, even if it makes them upset. But now my husband is mad at me because I’m the one not willing to get along (in the way he wants) with his family or compromise.

I get along fine with them in my opinion. I’m respectful, I’m polite, but I just don’t engage with them or get close to anyone and even so, it’s not enough for him.

But what am I supposed to say or feel??? I can’t just go on and pretend they didn’t do anything wrong to me and just cater to his family all the time. I’ve catered to them long enough! And he couldn’t even help me at all during that time.

I spent countless nights crying and wondering if maybe I was unworthy or that maybe I made a mistake being with him. But I’m sick of all that. I just want to be happy. I just wanna be the girl I once was. And whenever I say that, he says I just want to be single or that I wasn’t good until I’ve been with him.

I was immature and now I’m a woman. But I feel like I was free and happy, but now I’m just miserable and like a slave. He’s always gaslighting me and turns every problem back onto me. I’m always the one overreacting, overthinking, being childish, being immature, never seeing the bigger picture, etc. he hates that I always have something I’m always unhappy about…he hates that I think I do so much when I’m just doing “physical labor” and that everything I do is not hard.