My husband blamed his cheating on me because of my underwear

We (f35, m36) have been married for a little under 2 months. Together for 4 years. I love (loved) him very much and I thought he loved me too. Beside the usual quarrel and disagreements about dull and mundane tasks we’re good. He never complained about anything. NEVER. Our intimacy was amazing and he told me so very often. He even texted me when we’re at work all kind of nsfw stuff that made me blush in my office.

Friday I had only one morning meeting. Me and my colleagues went for a lunch afterwards and then we decided to go home afterwards. We checked with our supervisor and she said it was fine. I found my husband with another woman in our bed. I started running away in shock and he couldn’t really leave the apartment before putting his clothes on. Enough time for me to take the elevator alone.

He’s been calling and texting me all weekend. I’m at my brother’s. My brother and my sister in law don’t know the details just that my husband was cheating. This morning my husband came knocking. He begged audience and asked my brother to let him speak to me. My brother asked me if I wanted him to kick my husband out but I told him that now I wasn’t in total shock anymore, maybe I should just hear him out. My brother, sil and my baby nephew left for a brunch.

My husband looked like he has been crying the whole weekend and wanted to hug me. I told him to stay on his side of the kitchen island and NOT to come nearer or I would scream.

He started first with a half apology and later explained why he was cheating on me. I never made effort for him. I’m always wearing comfortable underwear and never the naughty type. That’s a turn off for him. He felt like I didn’t really care. I was stunned and didn’t understand what he meant. Why didn’t you tell me this? Why not tried to buy lingerie like many men did to their wives? He said he didn’t want to “offend” me by suggesting that my underwear were dull, boring and a turn off. So it was basically my fault that you cheated? He didn’t say no. Just looked at me crying his eyes out.

I tried to remember what the girl was wearing. I couldn’t remember because my eyes went blurry the second I saw them.

He asked me what I wanted to do. That we could fix this. He asked me if I wanted to know more about the woman in my bed. She meant nothing. I interrupted him immediately and told him that I was good. Then to get him out I told him I needed time to think, even though I already made up my mind. I just didn’t want him to stay longer to try to talk and argue and cry more.

He has left now. I don’t know what to feel. I never knew underwear were this big of a deal in relationships? I love cotton. Neutral colors. Mostly CK basic. I have a very large chest and honestly any bra is just a pain having on a whole day always trying to adjust myself in the cups(girls with big chests will recognize my issue, dealing with all the unsolicited glaring from guys and even girls, when wearing underwear that shows the shape. Plus I don’t feel uglyin my very comfortable undies at all. Not once. I love my body. I work out 1,5-2h a day and I’m very confident in my own skin. And how could he say that he wasn’t satisfied with our intimacy when we’re intimate at least 4 times a weak? Was it all a lie when he said that I drove him crazy and how I could turn him on with one look at him? I will never understand men. He gave me a false sense of confidence.

And why did I catch them NOW. Couldn’t I do it just 2 months ago. Now I need to find lawyers and start a process that will take 2 years of my life. At least.