Much like the rest of the world, I recently saw James Gunn's Superman in theaters and made everything about it my entire personality.

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DC Studios

While waiting to see the film yet again in theaters, I've consumed every bit of media from the Superman cast, including this interview with Vanity Fair:

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In this interview (and many others), David Corenswet has gone on the record to say that Tom Welling's Superman from Smallville was his favorite growing up.

Vanity Fair / Via youtu.be

Me and David have that in common. 

Now, I grew up watching Smallville — a staple in big brother/little sister '90s households, IMHO — but I haven't watched it since it aired! So, I figured, now is as good a time as any to rewatch Smallville and give you my honest thoughts!

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The WB / Hulu

It's what David would want. 

So, without further ado, here's every thought I had while watching the first episode of Smallville in my adult life.

Before we jump in, here's the synopsis Hulu gives for Smallville in case you know nothing about the show:

"After a meteor shower bursts from the heavens, raining destruction on the unsuspecting citizens of Smallville, years pass, and the healing process leaves the town's inhabitants with scars and secrets. From the ashes of tragedy, a popular yet awkward teen attempts to decipher the meaning of his life and his clouded past."

1. Ah yes, Smallville, the creamed corn capital of the world!

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Population is about to go up to 25,002! 

2. Who is this topless man and why is he tied up in a corn field?

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More on him later!

3. OK, Smallville was devastated by the meteor shower that hit their town, the very same shower that brought Clark Kent into Jonathan and Martha's lives:

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It also took the lives of Lana's (Clark's future love interest) parents and all of Lex Luthor's hair (hence his life-long obsession with the meteor shower and, therefore, Clark!) 

4. Oh, look at this precious lil nugget!

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All Martha and Jonathan wanted was a kid of their own, and now they got one! I, personally, would've asked a few more questions, but to each their own!

5. Precious lil nugget grew up NICEEEEEEEE:

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I cannot believe that a boy with a face like this isn't the most popular kid in school. 

6. Enter Miss Lana Lang!

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Chloe, one of Clark's best friends, says that it's "scientifically impossible for Clark to get within five feet of Lana Lang." Lo and behold, it's because she's wearing a kryptonite necklace!!! But Clark doesn't know that that's his only weakness (yet!!!) 

7. Remember that topless man from earlier? He's back!

The WB

It's a tradition at Smallville High. Every year, for the Homecoming game, the football team picks a poor freshman to tie up — sans clothes — in the cornfield and paints an "S" on his chest. Even though the meteor hit town over a decade ago, the original freshman that Lex saw in the cornfield — unaged, I might add — has come back to take his revenge! 

8. Not entirely sure why Clark was hanging out by the highway, but good thing he was, because he was there to save Lex Luthor when his car accidentally takes them both off the road and into the lake:

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He's not even Superman yet and he's already out here saving lives!

9. Lana's giving her forgettable jock boyfriend™ her kryptonite necklace...which means...that Clark can go near her!

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EEEPPP!

10. Ahh, topless man is going around and killing the men responsible for tying him up all those years ago:

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Hell hath no fury like a high schooler scorned. 

11. OMG! Clark knows he was adopted, but not all the details...so he's known he was different all his life, but not why...and now he knows HE was the meteor attack that hit Smallville all those years ago:

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Can't blame the Kents...how do you tell your son that you found him on the side of the road after he fell from the sky? 

12. Nice to know that just 'cause you're an alien, that doesn't mean you're immune from teen angst:

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Superheroes, they're just like us!

13. BUT IT IS HIS FAULT! Not the best start to a budding romance...

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...but their love will prevail! I know I'm jumping ahead of myself, but I love their love! Lois Lane can wait! 

14. I SHIP, YOU SHIP, WE SHIP!

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Move over Lana's forgettable jock boyfriend™, there's a new sheriff in town!

15. LOL, Lex...It's not that Jonathan doesn't like you 'cause you're bald...it's 'cause you're an asshole:

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LutherCorp isn't exactly a friend to the little man. Big corporations and small family-owned farms tend not to mix well. 

16. Why does this sound like a threat?

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On one hand, I get that Lex is thankful to Clark for saving his life...on the other hand, Lex, you're a grown ass man talking to a high school-aged kid. Relax!

17. Shout out to Chloe and Pete for solving the mystery of the topless man before anyone even knew there was a mystery to be solved:

The WB

Looks like the topless man was in a coma after the meteor shower/Clark's arrival. There was an electrical malfunction at the hospital where he was staying, and when it was resolved, he was gone! Hence why he has the electrical powers and why he hasn't aged. By George, I think she's got it!

18. I'll say...

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Chloe, documenting all the weird happenings around Smallville since the meteor shower may not be the best use of your time...but I digress! 

19. Poor not-so-lil-but-still-precious-nugget:

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You didn't know, Clark!

20. Ah, forgettable jock boyfriend™ is jealous of Clark and Lana's budding romance, so he's making Clark this year's scarecrow:

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After what happened to the topless man, I'm surprised they haven't done away with this hazing ritual. No? Just me? 

21. OH NO! Clark tried to beat forgettable jock boyfriend™'s ass, which would have been brutal since he's, you know, Superman, but FJB™ is wearing Lana's necklace!

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Throw that thing in the trash. 

22. The irony of them painting an "S" on Clark's chest when he's at his weakest — and YEARS before he'll adopt the symbol as his own — is not lost on me!

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It's a little poetic, if you think about it. "S" for Smallville? "S" for Superman? "S" for stop with this dumb ass ritual? All of the above. 

23. OMG Lex recognizes the topless man from his youth!

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When Lex was younger, before the meteor shower, he followed a voice that said "help me" into the corn field. Now, twelve years later, he's following that same voice, but instead of saving the OG topless man, he's saving Clark. POETIC! 

24. The necklace falls off Clark when Lex rescues him...but that means that Lex is now in possession of Clark's one weakness!

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Lex may not know that yet, but, spoiler alert, he finds out soon enough! 

25. In a kinda anticlimactic turn of events, Clark races to the Homecoming dance and stops the topless man from killing all of Clark's classmates. In the ensuing fight, the no-longer topless man gets re-electrocuted, loses his memory, and is seemingly no longer out for revenge:

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It's giving deux ex machina — emphasis on the machina — but there are only a few minutes left in the episode, so time to wrap it up!

26. Clark may have lost the battle for Lana's heart, but he will win the war!

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Mark my words!

Safe to say, I wholeheartedly agree with David Corenswet — Tom Welling's Superman is def a fav. Like, when else are we ever gonna see Superman save lives as well as struggle with A.P. Calc?

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The WB / Hulu

Good thing the entire series is on Hulu, because I'm in it for the long haul now. 

Stream Smallville on Hulu.

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