No health without mental health

Inside the mental health struggles of caregivers

Three individuals share their stories about the realities of caregiving. ST ILLUSTRATION: ADOBE STOCK, BILLY KER

 and 

UPDATED Jun 30, 2025, 05:00 AM

Thanks for sharing!

SINGAPORE - Caring for a loved one who is ill is a journey of love and dedication and one that is fraught with emotional, psychological, physical and financial complexities. Here, three individuals share their stories about the realities of caregiving .

He is caregiver to mum living with diabetic complications

In early 2025, Mr Sufyan Tsuri, 36, quit his job as a therapy assistant at the National Kidney Foundation to care for his mother, 71, who suffers from Type 2 diabetes and hypertension.

It was not a quick decision, as he thought hard about whether he should continue to work while his mother’s health was quickly deteriorating. In 2024, she was hospitalised four times for various issues, including kidney damage and foot problems, with the longest stay lasting from December to February 2025.

“Her condition was getting harder to manage,” he said. “She lacks the initiative to take care of herself and keeps giving in to food temptations.”

Caring for her full time means he can buy or cook healthier meals for her, make sure she takes her medication, and help her with daily needs, such as moving her from the wheelchair to the bed.

His mother was diagnosed with diabetes in 2011, and by 2022, lost her left eye because of complications.

Mr Sufyan Tsuri, 36, has depression and is caring for his mum who has diabetes. ST PHOTO: SHINTARO TAY

“We worry that she will lose her (remaining) eyesight,” he said.

Mr Sufyan’s father, 67, who has an administrative role in a construction firm and is now the family’s main breadwinner, helps out with her care. He also has a sister, 32.

Mr Sufyan himself has health issues, beginning in polytechnic when he grappled with feeling ostracised by the dragon boat team, which he trained with four days a week. Though he finally quit the team, he felt guilty about his decision. By 18, feeling overwhelmed by life, he had suicidal thoughts.

Somehow, he pushed through and eventually graduated from university with a degree in sports science. It led to a seven-year stint as a fitness trainer for national service recruits in basic military training.

“I reflected on my experiences as an athlete in polytechnic and didn’t want my recruits to experience the same thing, so I made sure I treated them well,” he said.

“I tried to look out for the weaker recruits and find out what was wrong if they couldn’t keep up with the training. Maybe they were hurt or couldn’t sleep well.”

In 2021, to better care for his mother, Mr Sufyan attended Caregivers Alliance Limited’s 12-week Caregivers-to-Caregivers Training Programme. While that gave him caregiving skills, he was still struggling with feelings of sadness. In 2023, he joined a monthly support group for young people in mental health recovery.

In 2021, Mr Sufyan attended Caregivers Alliance Limited’s 12-week caregivers-to-caregivers training programme.  ST PHOTO: SHINTARO TAY

It was not until 2024, when he sought help at a GP clinic and was referred to the Institute of Mental Health, that he was diagnosed with low-grade depression or dysthymia, a mild to moderate chronic depression. To take care of himself, he is now planning to return to training as a triathlete, which he had stopped in 2022, and also learn parkour.

Recently, Mr Sufyan told his mother that she has to handle her own insulin injections, which she used to do, albeit inconsistently, he said.

When he was a therapy assistant, he learnt that patients had to be able to help themselves where possible. “That’s when I realised I had been over-helping my mum all these years,” he said.

He has also just signed her up for a daycare service, at a means-tested rate of over $40 per day, starting with twice a week.

“She likes to spend her day at home, watching videos and doesn’t like to go out or keep in contact with her friends. If she’s at the daycare, she can interact with other people,” he said.

It also gives him some uninterrupted free time for himself, when he can work on his digital marketing business plan to earn his own keep and help pay some of his mother’s medical bills, he added.

Joyce Teo

More on this Topic

She cared for elder sister, who had gall bladder cancer

For three relentless days at the close of 2024, Madam Florence Chuah, 64, scoured neighbourhood bakeries, going to 12 different outlets, in search of eggless cupcakes for her elder sister, who was dying of end-stage cancer.

When the last bakery said it did not make such a treat, her composure cracked. 

“It just made me feel so lousy, and I kept scolding myself. Why, why, why couldn’t I complete such a simple task for her?” said the former pre-school supervisor. 

Madam Chuah’s elder sister, Madam Flora Chuah, was diagnosed with gall bladder cancer in February 2024 when she was 67. The news came as a heavy blow to the two sisters, as the older woman had lost her 37-year-old son to lung cancer less than a year earlier.

Madam Florence Chuah , who became her sister’s key caregiver, was determined not to let her face another battle alone. 

She came up with a roster to ensure that her sister would not be alone at home while she was at work as a pre-school supervisor .

Ms Florence Chuah with a picture of her elder sister, Ms Flora Chuah. She cared for two of her sisters, as both were in palliative care by end-2024. ST PHOTO: SHINTARO TAY

A retiree friend accompanied her sister from 9am to 6pm on weekdays, while a professional caregiver from Homage looked after her from 9pm to 9am the next day.

Madam Florence Chuah herself would go to her sister’s house every evening and during the weekends to spend as much time with her as possible . 

“I would try to encourage her and distract her by making plans on things we can do together when she’s better.” 

While the older woman was able to handle her own medical appointments, and the family did not face any financial difficulty, caregiving still took a toll on Madam Florence Chuah , especially in putting up a brave front.  

“I always had to remind myself I needed to be stronger, I could not show my weaker side to her, or both of us would crumble,” said Madam Florence Chuah , who is a breast cancer survivor. 

Still, she could not help being plagued by fear – of losing her sister, as well as for her own 37-year-old daughter, given the family history of cancer. 

In July 2024, the older woman ’s condition took a turn for the worse when she stopped responding to the cancer treatments. With her treatment options diminishing, she opted to spend her last days at Dover Park Hospice. 

During this period, Madam Florence Chuah lost her appetite and sleep , battling anxious thoughts every night .

“I would wake up in the middle of the night and think about what fruit I should take for her the next day. If I cooked a certain porridge for her, would she like it?”

She added: “I would also worry that I would receive bad news tomorrow – like the doctor telling me that her time is almost up.”

Under caregiver stress, Ms Florence Chuah had symptoms of depression and anxiety and found it hard to sleep. She coped by turning to friends for support and volunteering. ST PHOTO: SHINTARO TAY

The sisters achieved some measure of closure when they were able to discuss funeral arrangements for Madam Flora Chuah . Her death in November 2024 did not end Madam Florence Chuah ’s caregiving journey.

Another sister, Madam Agnes Chuah, a stroke patient who had been living in a nursing home for a decade, was also admitted to Dover Park Hospice after her condition deteriorated in November 2024. She was unable to communicate and did not appear to recognise anyone. 

About a month later, in December 2024, Madam Agnes Chuah died at age 65. 

Madam Florence Chuah said she was able to cope with the stress of caregiving with the help of a support group run by the hospice.  She also had friends to lean on .

“There were many caregivers going through this phase of life with me, and they gave me a lot of strength to move on,” she added .  

Now, she has chosen to give back as a volunteer at the hospice. 

“I feel very warm and well received here, it’s like I’m stepping into my second home.”

Lee Li Ying

More on this Topic

He cares for teenage son with mild autism

These days, banking transformation executive Chiang Kok Keong’s family mealtimes, once anticipated, can become occasions of anxiety, dread and s adness .

One wrong word from him and he may be met with a punch from his 19-year-old son, who has autism spectrum disorder and is very sensitive to criticism, he said.

Once, he almost wanted to press charges against his son, but he knew it could affect the young man’s future.

“Out of 10 times, I manage to control my temper eight times,” said Mr Chiang, 51.

“Imagine being hit by your son every two weeks. But (even worse is when) he hits himself. When I asked him why, he said: ‘If I don’t hit myself, I will be hitting you.’ As a father, when you hear this, (it breaks your heart).”

Mr Chiang said the aggression started after his son Wai Jeon graduated from autism-focused secondary school Pathlight, where two teachers took care of eight students, and went to a mainstream institute for pre-employment training, where he is in a class of 40.

“When he went to the school , he had a culture shock. There’s smoking everywhere and... screaming and lots of vulgarities,” Mr Chiang said. “ He’s just thrown into the jungle and expected to survive.”

His son became an angry person, often hurling vulgarities at his parents.

He has also put on a lot of weight because of his medication and now weighs over 100kg.

Mr Chiang Kok Keong and his wife Ai Min with their son Wai Jeon and daughter Xiaoqi in a photo taken at Universal Studios Japan. PHOTO: COURTESY OF KK CHIANG

Mr Chiang said that he has exhausted all psychological options, including therapy, for his son and is himself turning to spiritual healing to cope.

He and his wife, Mrs Chiang Ai Min, a 47-year-old compliance executive, also have a 16-year-old daughter Xiaoqi.

“I am very blessed to have my wife. To (raise) a special needs son, you need to have a supporting spouse,” he said.

They have taught him life skills, like taking public transportation. Wai Jeon is an avid bird watcher who regularly goes by bus from his home in central Singapore to Sungei Buloh Wetland Reserve to observe migratory birds.

Mr Chiang now goes hiking with him in the Belum Rainforest in Malaysia, where they will also look out for hornbills.

But a big challenge for Wai Jeon is landing a job that he likes and can do, as many companies do not want to hire people with special needs, Mr Chiang said.

The younger man could not secure an internship that would allow him to work amid nature and wildlife as the agency was not prepared to hire a neurodivergent individual like him, Mr Chiang said.

Instead, he found one at a social enterprise but he was not able to do the main job required of him, which was to act in skits, and he was eventually fired, which affected his self-esteem.

“People shouldn’t give them a job because they pity them. They should be given opportunities to do something that they like to do and can do, because they have their talents,” said Mr Chiang.

“When they are passionate about what they want to do, they will give it their all, they will go to work early, they will want to do more than others.”

Joyce Teo

More on this Topic

Join  ST's WhatsApp Channel and get the latest news and must-reads.

Thanks for sharing!