Local actress-host Joanne Peh spoke about being in the limelight and surrounded by controversies in a YouTube video uploaded on July 29 by former radio personality Georgina Chang.

Georgina was also previously the head of Mediacorp's talent management arm The Celebrity Agency which Joanne was signed to from 2002 to 2017.

Among several things Joanne, 42, talked about in the video were her concept of fame, feeling like an imposter, and a controversy that left her feeling alone.

"I recently realised that I might have been very fearful [in the past] because I associate fame with being a diva," said Joanne. "You know how sometimes we celebrities get these comments saying, 'So what if you're an actress?' And yeah, I don't think I'm a big deal.

"In saying, 'I don't think I'm a big deal', I'm actually trying to convey that I'm not a diva - but I am a big deal. I'm sorry, because if you and me were to go to a hawker centre, the stall owner will give me extra prawns, but not to you - and that is the truth. I don't want to brag or anything, but it is. And we do get preferential treatment.

"If I were to see Tom Cruise today, obviously I'm gonna give him more prawns than someone else I don't know."

'All I know is just act'

Signing on as an artiste with Mediacorp in 2002, Joanne has since gone on to win numerous awards and become a director and podcaster, being perceived by many, she said, as "confident", "ambitious" and "knowing what she wants".

However, even she suffered from bouts of imposter syndrome, admitting she didn't know what she wanted.

"Throughout these 20 years, I'm being served a script and I'm told what to do. I've never had to think for myself in that sense or even hustle for anything.

"I just felt like a real imposter - like, what is it that I know? All I know is just act."

Thus, going independent wasn't easy for her. "Being able to pull things together was one of the things I struggled with because I didn't know where to start."

Joanne elaborated: "During public appearances and social events, I didn't know how to have conversations with people. It was like, 'Oh my gosh, I'm so afraid. Please don't come talk to me because I don't know what to say'...

"So it was very awkward for me for a good 10 years, because I had no knowledge of how to behave in a social setting. Like, if I wasn't thrown a script, how should I carry myself? So I think the impostor syndrome stemmed from there - the lack of practice."

'Like the world was against me'

In 2019, Joanne had her directorial debut working on the short film Under The Tree, featuring two child actors with no previous experience. She fell under scrutiny after one of the actors' parents messaged her, saying she felt an Instagram post Joanne had uploaded was "putting her daughter down".

Thereafter, Joanne was criticised by many netizens online for the post, accusing her of "cyberbullying" the child actress.

Joanne recalled to Georgina: "Everyone was on her side, saying that I'm terrible, cyberbullying her. And when all that was out, I felt very alone, like the world was against me... Any one person who tried to speak up, 10 people from the opposing side would suddenly be there.

"The media picked it up and I was interviewed, and suddenly the tides turned. People were standing up for me in the comments."

She continued: "I felt, 'Finally, it's over' — the world is not against me and there are actually people who agree and see the other side. And that's when I realised it's so important we allow these conversations to happen...

"There will always be people who disagree, which I think is healthy, so I'm not so afraid of negative comments now."

 

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kristy.chua@asiaone.com