In the quiet desperation of a marriage that once pulsed with passion but now languishes in the shadows, a 35-year-old finds himself at a crossroads. Married without children, intimacy with his beloved wife has dwindled to naught, leaving him to seek solace in solitary moments of self-gratification. Wrestling with conflicting emotions of love and unmet desires, he contemplates a taboo solution: visiting escorts to fulfil his primal needs. As he grapples with this moral dilemma, he reaches out to others who may share his plight, seeking understanding and advice in a world fraught with judgment and misunderstanding.

This is his story—a plea for guidance balance between desire and duty

35 yo, married w no kids. S life with my wife is zero. We dont have S and my pleasure is literally just through beating the aeroplane.

I love my wife but i am thinking of visiting escorts just to satisfy my S pleasures.

Anyone else out there facing the same problems? Is it okay to do it?

P/s – pls, this is a serious problem im facing in life. So, if ure about to comment something harsh. I would rly appreciate if you leave and dont comment at all.

For those with advice, thank you in advance.

Here are what netizens think:

First things first might need to know why no S between you, if it’s something uncontrollable maybe you can talk if she okay with it, if not it might be a bigger issue to be addressed rather than the physical need.

What was the frequency prior to marriage or when y’all started dating? If you really love your wife, you wouldn’t wanna see an escort (unless you have sought approval from her) – because your marriage will probably end if she finds out and I don’t think you would want that if the roles were reversed either i.e., her going to someone else behind your back. Perhaps have a proper conversation with her about it? How is her job like? Stressful? Are you helping out the chores or is she shouldering it mostly?

A man with the same problem

Hi there. Same situation as you, so i understand what you r describing. You are practically me a few yrs ago, so im writing this with context of me few years back.

Those saying things like loyal, faithful, marriage vows, etc etc, they are not wrong. But in all fairness, people like us are not exactly treated fairly either. I did not enter into this marriage promising to “be a monk”. I vividly recall promising my wife to satisfy her needs, and she too promised the same. Till today im still trying my best, but it is evident that she gave up on her duty/promises.

Now im not sure what steps did you take in communicating this issue with your wife. Just to share / give some context, ive had countless talks with my wife over our 10+ years of marriage (calmly, agressively, crying, mentioning divorce, all ways of communicating you can think of). S has been on a steady decline over the years, and nothing seemed to help. Ive tried to eliminate all kinds of barriers my wife mentioned (work stress la, no time la, mood la, house cleanliness la), but nothing worked. I get more and more frustrated that all my efforts were useless. I come to the conclusion that its all excuses, and my wife just fk care about my needs. (Even if they are not excuses, to be honest, at this point, it is really better for my mental health to just think she fk care, rather than continuing to try in vain).

But to clarify, if i did not bring up S, our relationship is considered good. No S for 3 years le, gave up trying 2 years ago, no quarrels since then (at least on this topic), no S since then. So it is quite apparent that my wife feels that S is not important to marriage at all, and can separate the two concepts. So i gave up and just subscribe to her way of thinking. I don’t want to release my needs with others (or with my hand), and i really want to enjoy it with her, but that’s not what she wanted. Soooooo.

Ive visited lup sup massages and red light districts overseas. Haven done anything local, but might try one of these days, who knows. Always use protection (even bj), and there are some vaccinations you can take. Haven’t caught anything, but not like I’m gonna pass anything to her anyway (not gonna happen if i give up trying).

Is it a replacement? No, having S with who you love is much better.

Do i feel better after releasing with others? Yes, it’s a male’s natural need.

Do i feel guilty? A bit, but not really. I accept that this is my fate for marrying her.

Is my marriage better? Yes, no quarrels on this since, better mental health.

Do i want a divorce? Seriously thought about it before, but this is my “last ditch” solution to keep it tgt. Im can come to terms with this current situation.

Do i recommend you to do the same? I dun know. You make your own decision. There are risk involved. Im just sharing my story.