Death is rarely a topic we bring up in everyday conversations with friends or loved ones.

Many shy away from the subject, either out of fear or because of the lingering taboo that speaking about it might somehow hasten its arrival.

At the Life Celebration Festival held in the Putrajaya International Convention Centre on Aug 21-23 (2025), however, death and dying were addressed openly through activities such as the Death Café, where participants gathered to reflect, share and listen in a safe and supportive environment.

Moderating the sessions was Malaysian Association of Paediatric Palliative Care (Mappac) president and consultant paediatric palliative care physician Dr Lim Chee Chan.

He explains that the circle discussions held during the Death Cafe, which was conducted in Mandarin, were designed to tackle common struggles such as fear and loneliness.

“Many people hesitate to start conversations about death, afraid they might cause harm,” he says.

“But the hardest part is simply beginning.

“Once the first sentence is spoken, the conversation often unfolds naturally, and the other person is usually waiting for that opening.

“It’s like a couple holding back from saying ‘I love you’. Once one dares to speak, the connection deepens.”

He shares his framework of empathy, which has three stages.

The first is recognising emotion.

“When someone shares sadness, it shows trust.

“The listener’s role is to receive it, not by saying ‘I understand you’ – because no one can fully understand – but by listening, reflecting and giving them space.”

The second is empathy of thought, i.e. exploring the beliefs or ideas behind the feeling.

The third is empathy of action, where the focus shifts to what can be done.

“For example, after noticing unhelpful thought patterns, participants are encouraged to consider more supportive ways of thinking and practical steps to ease the burden,” says Dr Lim.

Some participants cried during the session, but the tears, he says, were not from weakness, but rather, of relief.

“They felt thankful for permission to release their emotions and be their true selves.”

Traditionally, palliative care in Malaysia was seen as “care for the dying”, and death itself was rarely discussed.

But Dr Lim stresses that it is much broader, i.e. living well until the end and helping families through difficult conversations.

Since its introduction in Malaysia in 2018, palliative care has expanded to 23 hospitals nationwide.

Yet challenges remain.

“We need more volunteers, more doctors and more friendship, more social interaction to strengthen this community.

“Activities like this, whether a Death Café or medical workshops, must continue.

“But the truth is, we lack manpower, and it’s costly.

“Even this event overall cost around RM300,000,” he says.

The Life Celebration festival was organised by Mappac and the Xiao En Group, in conjunction with the 2nd National Conference on Children’s Palliative Care.

Some of the participants at the Death Cafe share their experience below:

Cindy Wong Hui Yean

This 33-year-old counsellor joined the Death Cafe to hear how others cope with death and to gain new perspectives.

Photos: EMALIN ZALANI/The Star

“As a counsellor, I often work with people navigating difficult emotions and life changes.

“This session helps me understand death, but it’s also about life, our stories, struggles and the challenges we face,” she says.

“At first, people were afraid to talk about death, but once we shared openly, we saw that it’s really just another emotion.

“Everyone brings their own perspective, which can be a source of comfort.”

This was her second time attending a Death Café at the three-day event.

“Yesterday, we discussed how to talk to children about death and how to prepare wills.

“Tomorrow, I’ll join more sessions too,” she adds.

For her, the safe space made all the difference.

“It’s easier to open up with strangers, because they don’t judge. They just listen.”

Although she has never lost someone close, Wong says that listening to others gave her deeper empathy.

“I can understand better how people cope with loss and how support is received.

“That helps me as a counsellor to know how to guide my clients.”

Liung Miao Shan

At the age of 30, this community worker was diagnosed with a rare head cancer.

Now 36 and in remission, Liung continues her journey as a survivor, seeking meaning beyond her illness.

“Being diagnosed so young was something I never imagined.

“It became the central focus of my life for years,” she shares.

“That’s why I was drawn to this session when I saw it at the festival.”

This was only her second time attending a Death Café, with the first being several years earlier, before her diagnosis.

This time, the session began with a symbolic exercise.

“We chose buttons, something I hadn’t done before.

“Each button, through its size, colour or shape, could reflect personality or dreams,” she explains.

She picked two: one representing how others see her, and another symbolising her life’s dream.

“I chose a sunflower button, which reflected how people might describe me.”

Later, participants mapped out lifelines, marking the highs and lows of their lives.

“It was intimate – within minutes, my [discussion] partner and I knew each other’s whole story.

“Sharing turning points created a connection and reminded us that good times help us through the hard ones.

“It gave me a new appreciation of resilience.”

The group then moved into a circle discussion on three common end-of-life struggles: loneliness, fear and the search for meaning.

Liung’s group chose to explore fear.

“Everyone shared their experiences of supporting others through it.

“Listening to those stories was deeply moving,” she says.

One woman spoke of her father’s cancer journey, how the family came together, had difficult conversations and resolved many things before he passed.

“In the end, she said she was grateful, because it gave everyone the chance to appreciate her mother, who is still living.”

For Liung, the circle itself was the highlight.

“Reflecting on the name ‘Life Celebration Festival’, I realised that only when we truly celebrate life can we make peace with death.

“Much of our talk was about how, in the end, honouring our lives and connections leads to what we call a ‘good death’.”

Lim Jie Sheng

For this 29-year-old lawyer, the Death Café stood in stark contrast to his own upbringing.

“In many traditional Chinese families, death is taboo.

“When it happens, people just follow what others say, usually in a very commercialised way.

“There’s fear, silence and no space to question.”

But here, he saw something different.

“Starting conversations about death can change that.

“With more openness, people can find comfort, understanding, and even improve how we approach the end of life.”

What struck him most was the session’s gentle progression.

“It didn’t jump into heavy topics. We began with something simple, like choosing a button to represent ourselves.

“Only later did we move into deeper reflections about life and death.

“That build-up made it easier to open up,” he says.

A key reflection stayed with him: “Too often, people suppress their feelings, especially men who are told not to cry or show vulnerability.

“That silence is passed down through generations, making death an even greater taboo.

“What I learned is that grief, sadness and fear are all valid.

“By talking openly, even from a young age, we can break that cycle.”