I’m 31, and my then-girlfriend is 27, and we both met each other through a mobile dating app.

Even after several weeks of frequent meet-ups, she still refused to answer me whenever I asked her about her past relationship. I would say if I’m totally unaffected by her past relationship, she will always be at least a 9 out of 10 to me.

One day we both decided to take our dating to the next level, where she finally revealed to me her past relationship. It was at that point of time I was instantly devastated, not by the amount of exes that she had, but the experience that she had with her last ex-boyfriend before she met me. To be honest, over the past 3-4 weeks since we first met, I have developed feelings for her, and we both were really just meeting each other exclusively since our first meet-up, and it was rather difficult for me to back out when I learnt about her past.

Ex Cheated on her

She met her then ex-boyfriend when she was 20, and he broke up with her when she was 26. According to her, her ex cheated on her, and even when he no longer wanted to be with her, he still went missing in action for a month. Despite numerous phone calls and text messages from her, he did not respond to any of them at all. She chose to give him a chance for reconciliation because she loved him very much, but he decided not to continue the relationship anymore.

Bear in mind that this dude earns about $2k+, doesn’t have savings, has no proper financial planning, smokes without her knowledge though he had promised to quit smoking, prioritizes his friends more than girlfriend, and has no intention to progress further in his job, but she still wanted to stick with him for the rest of her life.

Yes, I do pity my ex-girlfriend, and I did promise her that I will be a much better boyfriend than him. I’m totally different from her ex. Prior to my current doctorate study, I was earning $4k a month, I’m always hungry for more, and apart from my savings, I invest in stocks as well.

Most importantly, I have never ever once cheated in any of my relationships. However, I do have my flaws as well. Just like your boyfriend, I can get very mad and sometimes even talk harshly to her, but deep in my heart I really love her. I get triggered easily by her past, by so many things, pretty much everything that they had been through for 6 years.

Their overseas trips, their time spent with each other’s parents and family, they stayed at each other’s place, they celebrated anniversaries, festivals, and events together, they even applied for BTO, the list goes on.

For instance, when we passed by the plot of land being developed for her then-BTO flat, it triggered me of how much they had been through, and I would become moody and would not feel like talking to her. Please don’t get me wrong, I know a lot of you guys will throw sarcastic remarks like asking me to date a virgin, or why am I complaining when I have my past as well. No, virginity does not matter to me, and I have dated non-virgins as well. And also no, I do have exes with past relationships, just that their relationships lasted from a few months to a year, in which not much “milestones” were achieved, so I didn’t get triggered by them so easily.

The entire relationship progressing from getting to know each other until the stage where they thought of getting married and buying a house could easily get me into rage mode instantaneously.

Over the course of 10 months when we were together, I had always been trying to look past whatever she shared with her ex-boyfriend, by thinking of all her good points, all the big and small things that she had done for me, yet, I still failed at the end. A close friend of mine knew about it and advised me to break up, but I still chose not to give up on her, and continuously calming myself down whenever her past came across my mind. I swear I will never ever find such wonderful woman in my life, and I have really tried whatever I could to stay away from trigger points caused by retroactive jealousy, but it was a very painful experience.

Whenever I got reminded of her past, I would get mad at her, and she always had the patience to provide me with reassurance and comforting, and I would in turn apologize to her and gave her a hug. On the day we finally broke up, I burst into tears, because I knew I can no longer walk through my life journey with the favourite woman of my life.

In every of her past relationship, she strived her best to give her 100% to make things work, and in her most recent one, after holding on to the same guy for 6 years, he let her down. I know for sure that if I could overcome this massive issue, together with her loyalty and strong determination to love me forever, we both would definitely get married and lead a happy life together, but sadly, I really tried my best, and I failed to get over her past.