I (30m) have been with my partner (26f) for 5 years.

During this time I have been the sole income for the unit we rent together.

She has been between jobs and making less than $20 000 per year the entire time. She has held jobs for 6 months to a year but it has been essentially retail for the entirety of our relationship. I work full time and make almost $100 000 per year with all the overtime and nightshifts I do.

During this time I have paid all the bills (rent, gas, water, electric, internet, and most of the grocery bills for the house). Occasionally she’ll have a good pay week and be able to send me anywhere between $50-$200 to help with bills but this only occurs a few times a year.

This used to frustrate me but at this point as long as her personal bills (phone, health insurance etc) are paid and she doesn’t ask me for money too frequently I’m perfectly happy with the situation as it is. Domestic duties such as cleaning are split pretty evenly between us as well and we cook our own meals.

Recently we have been talking about buying a house together and I have been saving up for the deposit for at least a year completely by myself. My parents have also kindly offered to match whatever I can save to make this process a lot easier.

While looking at homes with her I started to think it was unfair that I’ve been working full time for years to get to this point where I’ll be able to make the largest investment of my life and that she wasn’t contributing at all and expecting to own half of it.

If I were to go forward with buying a house myself we would of course still live together and she’d have equal say in decoration/interior design choices and any works to be done to the property. I would also expect to maintain the same deal we have currently where she provides for her own finances and contributes whenever she is able to bills etc.

I love her a lot and expect to be with her forever but I’m also extremely cautious, pessimistic and worried that if we were to break up then we’d have to sell and split the property between us. However, I also recognise that if this were to happen way down the line that she would be left with nothing which I would never want.

I came to ask here because I don’t want to discuss this with her if I’m being totally irrational and selfish and not realising it because I’m in my own head.

submitted by /u/Scientist-of-Sin [link] [comments]