Married but had a crush on my married colleague

I am married for many years but had a very bad crush on my colleague a few years back who was newly married.

We didn’t developed into an affair because I love my husband deeply but I was so confused about myself and my feelings towards him. Can you love 2 person at the same time?

My colleague wasn’t even a catch or typically attractive in anyways with a potbelly and occasional bad breath when he forgot to brush in the morning. He also talks like an old man despite being only 37 years old when I met him.

I wasn’t even interested in him at all at the beginning and he was the one who always come and talk to me. The only reason I had feelings was because he wore his NS No. 4 Uniform one day and for some reason when speaking to him the feeling that he was actually attractive struck me like lightning. Seriously, I know it is super weird and funny even for me, but I found him handsome from that day onwards.

It seems like his marriage also not so good because when he spoke of his wife it was as if she is his boss and he is scare of her. Not sure why haha. Anyways I thought it’s okay to be closer to him but not so close because I love my husband and cannot imagine hurting him in anyway. So me and my colleague just texted each other and play mobile games together.

I won’t get jealous, maybe I just enjoyed a little attention from my colleague and also because despite him being uncle and all that he is infact a very nice guy. I always thought if I met him very much earlier we will have date each other and ended up getting married. Occasionally though I still feel like eventually we will end up mutually hating each other because he is niao person and hyper focus on making money and likes branded goods which I despises. I like how my life is and living simply and within my means and work hard to lead a dignified life.

I guess the reason why I wanna write this was because I felt bad being close to him but was unable to ignore how I felt. Thank goodness my sanity didn’t let me stray and maybe my colleague is not interested in me also I think even though he gets jealous very easily. If I talk to other male colleagues he will pass sarcastic remarks then I will have lots of question marks and if I ask if he likes me he will avoid answering and ignore my question. Basically I don’t want a relationship with him but I really genuinely wish to know if he likes me back and that it was not just me that is all. It is nice to have some romantic imagination after being married for so long until I can’t remember how dating was like.

And now that we are estranged and working at different places, I really hope he and his young wife are both happy together.