Hi, any parents out here who constantly have the thoughts of not wanting your child anymore?

I have a wilful child spoilt by his Dad where I’m the discipline mistress at home.

It’s very hard to get my child to do anything since young. Hard to wake in the morning despite sleeping 8+pm, at latest 9 pm and waking up 8 am like want his life. Then struggle to brush his teeth. Take ages to eat every meal.

Cannot sit still for anything. Takes forever to get to the bathroom for shower and always giving excuses like want more food/drink before bath even though said full just after dinner etc.

It’s taking a toll in my mental health bcoz we’ve been to OT with the husband, and we’re told our child is behaving this way bcoz my husband always gives him leeway in everything and has no discipline. Thus, our child pushes limits and do not listen. We stopped therapy after a while as the husband promised he will change for the better. But old ways don’t change really. He’s back at himself and giving in every single time. I’ve been reminded, scolded and even got angered by him many times.

I’m feeling so sick of taking care of LO. I even wanted to ask the husband to bring LO to the pils to take care and leave me alone. My child mutters hurtful words like I no longer love you or I don’t want you, go away etc. And it upsets me even though he’s just a toddler and I understand he may not mean it but I don’t know why and how he learned things like this to say to me.

I quit my job to take care of him since he’s a baby bcoz he’s really not easy to take care of and no one in the family is willing or able to help.

With no help over the past few years, no income and no pocket money from my husband. My account is bleeding dry fr my fixed expenses like insurance, food, transport etc.

I’m stressed out about financials and asked my husband if he’s able to cover my insurance but he’s unable to. I feel like giving up my insurance plan so that I can save that few hundred dollars monthly but I still worry the unknown what if etc. He even encouraged to let go of I’m unable to service it.

I feel like I’ve even giving up hope on my husband. I feel like letting go of everything to live a life of my own. Sometimes I even think that death could be the end of it. I don’t know why I’m so negative thinking. But I can’t help it everytime I get frustrated by LO. Everything triggers my negative thinking. I drag to pick my LO fr school cos it’s the start of another terrible moment each time. I feel like a horrible mum but I’m suffering silently cos there’s no one I could really divulge or want to speak to. Is there any free anonymous counsellor I can speak to?