Ever wondered what it’s like to fall in love on-screen and then tear that love apart in real life? That’s exactly what Michelle Williams and Ryan Gosling had to do for their breakthrough 2010 drama Blue Valentine. And according to Williams, the process of filming the very real-feeling divorce film was anything but sweet.

In a candid chat on theArmchair Expert podcast earlier this week, Williams recalled being “forced to live with Ryan Gosling” during a pivotal two-week mid-shoot hiatus. “It was horrible,” she admitted, describing how director Derek Cianfrance staged a real-life marriage to manufacture genuine marital collapse on camera.

Here’s how it went down: the production filmed the idyllic “young and in love” segments first, letting Williams and Gosling milk every dreamy glance. But when it was time to capture Cindy and Dean’s brutal breakup, Cianfrance found their chemistry stubbornly upbeat. As Williams put it, “We were having such a hard time letting go of the thing that we loved.”

So he hit pause. For two weeks, Williams and Gosling moved in together, wedding photo in tow — then burned it in a small, impromptu ceremony. Each day, Cianfrance would drop them into improvised arguments, encouraging them to “figure out ways to annoy each other and to destroy this thing that [we] had made.”

Williams doesn’t sugarcoat the toll. “I don’t know if anybody would work like that again,” she said, her laughter tinged with relief. And she wasn’t immune to guilt. “You’ve got a crew that’s on hold. You’re paying people… it’s such a small movie, so, so low budget and a small crew, but you’re taking a big down period in the middle of the thing,” she told hosts Dax Shepard and Monica Padman.

Yet that “horrible” experiment paid off. Williams’s raw portrayal earned her a Best Actress Oscar nomination and a Golden Globe nod, while Gosling also received a Golden Globe nomination. So the next time you feel a breakup coming on, consider this: some actors actually live through the meltdown to get the performance just right. And as Williams’s experience proves, Hollywood magic sometimes demands a little real-world heartbreak.

Before you go, click here to see more TV shows and marriages about marriages falling apart.