Welcome to Doing It, a column where sex educator Varuna Srinivasan explores the deep connections between sex and emotions. This month, we look at an oft-misrepresented sexual act: the threesome.

Threeways. Threesomes. Ménage à trois. Whatever you want to call it, sexual encounters with three (or more) people is an incredibly common fantasy, but these scenarios maintain an air of mystery — both in terms of the logistics (who does what, and when, and where?) and how to make one actually happen. As a sex educator, I urge you to forget everything you’ve been told about threesomes, especially if your primary sources are cheesy sitcoms and teen movies from the mid-2000s. I spoke to several folks about their experiences to gain some real-life perspective on this sometimes-taboo topic.