Big Emotions

My Miscarriage Almost Got Me Uninvited From A Baby Shower — Why I'm Glad I Went Anyway

Even if I’d chosen not to go, I would have wanted the option.

by Emmanuella Akankwasa

April 14, 2025

Anchiy/Getty Images

When my friend Rachel’s phone rang, she hesitated before answering. I could sense that she was uncomfortable talking on the phone because of the way she glanced at me. It didn’t make sense because I had seen the caller ID flash the name of a mutual friend. After a brief hello, she said quickly, “I’ll call you back,” and hung up.

“What’s going on? You’re acting weird,” I asked. She sighed, then admitted they were planning a baby shower for another friend of ours, who was eight months pregnant. “We weren’t sure it would be a good idea to include you in the planning or invite you, considering, you know, what happened.”

Three months earlier, I had miscarried at 11 weeks. My husband and I had been so excited to welcome our first child, and losing the pregnancy was one of the most painful experiences of my life.

It took a moment for Rachel’s words to sink in. I felt a rush of conflicting emotions rise within me. At first, I thought, “Oh, they’re just being considerate,” and I responded with a simple, “Oh, OK, I get it.” But as the conversation lingered in my mind, another thought surfaced: “Why would they leave me out?” I felt hurt, but I couldn’t bring myself to say anything to Rachel in that moment. I needed time to process the emotions swirling inside me. I cut our pizza date short, making an excuse about running errands.