I’m in my mid-40s and have been married for more than a decade. My wife is not an affectionate person, whereas I am. We have good sex, but she doesn’t do cuddles. Once we’re done, she’ll be up and gone, or off to sleep. There’s definitely a difference in the level of affection each of us is comfortable with. It’s the same with romantic gestures and compassion. Her mother was quite cold and she was left to fend for herself growing up. Not long after getting together, we spoke about former partners. She is far more open and matter-of-fact about sex than I am and she went into a lot of detail. She has had quite a few one-night stands. Ever since that conversation, they have played out in my head regularly; each one is like a mini panic attack. One particular encounter involved her having an orgasm without penetration, which we have never managed. I love her dearly, and I know this is my problem, not hers, but my life has been a misery with these intrusive thoughts.