All marriages and partnerships have their ups and downs. Throwing kids into the mix changes the dynamic, dependent on the strengths and weaknesses that are already there. Children with disabilities can amplify this dynamic.

As parents of a child with autism, Toby, my husband and I, in the early stages of realising the realities of our daughter Hetty’s diagnosis had our fair share of ding-dongs and periods of self-pity. These were often the product of a paralysis in our control, in not knowing what we were doing. It was the loneliness and powerlessness in not feeling equipped enough, and as expats in Singapore, the distance away from our familial support network who would have ordinarily stepped in as an emotional crutch to help us.