Hi all, I would like to seek your views on a serious topic – Whether I should divorce my wife, particularly with my children’s welfare in mind. No trolls please.

About me:

Mid 30s

Father of 2 children below 4 years old

Why I am thinking of divorce:

She is obsessed with the children’s sleep/nap schedules. Taking the naps is an absolute must. If naps are skipped, she will go berserk. Literally. As a result, even though the children go to childcare on weekdays, she often insists that we fetch the kids home for nap. Even if that does not happen, she expects the kids to be picked up by 5pm and rushed home to eat, bathe etc. In bed before 7pm. Obviously, this is extremely disruptive to work. Who picks the kids up? Mostly me. As a result, my health is suffering due to years of working late daily.

Her temper is terrible. One of my kids is extremely difficult to manage and strong willed, so there is often very strong resistance when trying to rush to bed, for example getting the kid to bathe. In such cases, she will often resort to physical punishment. It has come to the point where the kids feel safer with me, and often calls out to me for help. Her response? Scream at me to go and beat the hell out of the kids. Sure, she does play a positive role at times when it comes to teaching the kids how to write, prepare activities for them etc, but she expects them to simply follow what she planned for them. Just think about programming a robot exactly how you wish it would run. I am concerned that her excessive scoldings and beatings will scar the kids emotionally.

She relies on me far too much. To the point that it suffocates me. My work requires me to travel occasionally, and each time I talk to her about a potential trip, she will just behave as though I stepped on her toes and refuse to talk to me properly. This happens even if the trip is less than 24hrs. I have to pick a perfect timing even if I wish to meet my friends locally (i.e. when kids are asleep). I can’t even fulfill my duties as an employee as she expects me to be home by 5pm. Her reason for this behaviour? Afraid that she cannot cope. Even when her mum is around to help. We’re lucky that my workplace is flexible, but I do not think this is the way to go.

I do not feel loved at all. All she ever does is to command me around and ask me for massages at night (without returning it). Even when I put in lots of effort and does everything with the best of my ability for the kids, she will scold me if it is even 1% off from her standard. She does not smile at me at all. She can be smiling to the kids and immediately show a black face once she faces me. In our years of marriage, there is almost no sex. The only time we did it often was when we were trying for the kids. Other than that, it was as though I had to beg and beg for it. And even so, she will just ignore me and avoid the topic every single time.

Everytime I bring up any of the above issues to talk about how we can improve things, she will just act as if I did something wrong. I feel very emotionally blackmailed in this whole marriage. And I’m stuck in this only because I want the best for my kids (we don’t quarrel in front of them often).

What are your thoughts on this? Can there be a case where divorce is actually better for the kids? Particularly, in my case?