A woman who said no – a woman who did everything ‘right’ – has been murdered (Picture: PA / Wales News Service)

‘Couldn’t you have resisted?’

‘Why not let him down gently?’

‘Did you not just say no?’

I, like most women I’m sure, have heard every single one of those phrases since I was a girl worthy of looking at. 

I’ve heard these phrases from both men and women alike, when I’ve opened up to someone about a situation with a man that I’ve not felt comfortable in. Where I’ve felt as if my right to consent has been violated, or ignoredentirely.

The truth is, when a woman is harassed, abused or attacked, she is often blamed for it. 

Blamed for not dressing ‘appropriately’, or for not behaving in ‘a certain way’; for her attitude, for not fighting back, or for not simply saying no. 

She is based on her past behaviour, or decisions. The woman she used to be before. For not doing ‘the right thing’ and letting a man down gently.

Politely, gracefully, ‘womanly’.

I can’t count the number of times when a man has followed me, harassed me, or tried to ask my name when I’m simply walking home. 

When I want to shout and tell him to f**k off, instead I smile sweetly and walk away, or even say ‘no, thank you’ – as if I owed it to him to be polite.