AFTER countless swipes on the dating app, Ryan (not his real name) thought he had found his soulmate.

A woman named Lisa with whom he had been texting regularly, seemed the perfect fit.

Initially, her texts were thoughtful and kind, conveying warmth, making 24-year-old Ryan feel wanted and needed.

But it did not last. Gradually, her messages became shorter and more infrequent. Soon, Ryan found himself wondering what went wrong.

The heartbroken and dejected Ryan is not the only person in the world of dating to have gone through this experience. He had just been lovebombed.

Around the world, such slang terms connected to dating, coined by either Gen X, Gen Y (Millennials) or Gen Z are being popularised through social media platforms, dating apps, and online forums such as Reddit, TikTok and Twitter (now X).

These terms have even caught on with online medical forums and dictionaries, and are being employed by professionals in understanding the language of love used by both young and old when relationships go sour.

These terms are not limited to just the generations mentioned above, as even Baby Boomers and the Silent Generation are known to use them too.

StarMetro takes a look at some modern terms used to describe the landmines in the dating world.

Lovebombing is when a person shows intense affection in early stages of a relationship, followed by sudden or gradual emotional withdrawal.

Lovebombing

What Ryan experienced is known as lovebombing.

This is usually characterised by intense affection by the pursuing partner in a relationship’s early stages, followed by sudden or gradual emotional withdrawal.

A 2017 study titled “Love-bombing: A Narcissistic Approach to Relationship Formation” carried out by multiple universities in the US, defined lovebombing as excessive communication and overwhelming attention at the start of a romantic relationship, used to gain power and control over the other person.

The term can be traced back to a controversial religious sect in the 1970s who used manipulative strategy to control its members.

As Ryan began to feel valued, an emotional bond was formed between him and Lisa.

However, this initial emotional high state also left him vulnerable to manipulation, leading to eventual heartbreak.

Gaslighting is when someone makes you doubt your own feelings or reality in order to gain control or avoid blame.

Gaslighting

To gain clarity on where he stood, Ryan confronted Lisa about their relationship status, reminding her of her sweet promises.

Much to his chagrin, Lisa denied ever making such promises, despite being presented with screenshots of their conversations.

This is a form of gaslighting.

Oxford Dictionary defines gaslighting as psychological manipulation in which a person seeks to sow seeds of doubt in a targeted individual, making one question his or her own memory, perception or sanity.

The term came from a British play Gaslight in the 1930s, and subsequent film where a husband manipulates his wife to make her doubt her own sanity.

A 2024 study “A Qualitative Analysis of Gaslighting in Romantic Relationships”, published in Personal Relationships journal, described gaslighting as a psychological abuse that may affect both men and women.

It did, however, note that a significant percentage of perpetrators are men.

Ghosting

Ghosting occurs when one party suddenly stops all communication without prior warning, leaving the other confused and hurt.

According to Cambridge Dictionary, ghosting is ending a relationship by suddenly stopping communication with someone.

A 2023 survey by a US-based therapy and counselling service Thriving Center of Psychology found that 84% of people reported having experienced ghosting.

Another study “What is (not) ghosting?” published in 2025 in Computers in Human Behavior Reports journal said ghosting often leads to emotional distress, confusion and damage to self-esteem.

Jennice Vilhaue of the American Psychological Association’s Speaking of Psychology podcast said, “Ghosting is a heartbreaking fact in the modern dating world.

“It’s when a friend or someone you’ve been dating disappears from contact with no explanation. Ghosting can shatter self-esteem and hurt just as much as physical pain.”

If not addressed, victims may also develop trust issues in future relationships.

Future faking is when a person makes promises that he or she never intends to fulfil. This is done to gain someone’s trust.

Future faking

Sarah has always dreamed of marrying and starting a family.

The 25-year-old met Mike, whom she thought shared her goals and values.

In addition to talking about marriage and children, Mike also made promises about going on holidays together.

After dating for sometime, none of their plans ever materialised and Sarah soon found herself heartbroken when Mike left.

Sarah is a victim of future- faking.

Future faking occurs when a person makes promises he or she never intends to fulfil, to gain someone’s trust.

It is designed to create a false sense of security and emotional attachment, thus keeping the partner emotionally invested.

An article in Psychology Today published on July 2 last year described future faking as “lovebombing on steroids”.

Breadcrumbing involves giving minimal attention to keep someone interested without any intention of taking the relationship to the next level.

Breadcrumbing

After the break-up, Sarah thought her ordeal with Mike was over but she was mistaken.

In months that followed, she began getting messages from her ex, though none of them indicated that he was ready to commit and work through their issues.

The inconsistent and irregular messages kept her emotionally hooked and unable to move on.

This is referred to as breadcrumbing.

The term is said to have originated from the Hansel and Gretel fairy tale where the children left breadcrumbs on their trail.

A 2023 study “Attachment Insecurity and Breadcrumbing Engagement in Young Adults” conducted by researchers in India and Spain said breadcrumbing involves giving minimal, sporadic attention, such as vague messages or social media interactions, to keep someone interested without any intention for the relationship to progress.

The messages that Sarah received were “crumbs of affections” keeping her invested in Mike but causing her confusion and trapped in a toxic situation.

Pocketing is keeping a romantic partner hidden from family and friends, showing hesitation to fully commit to a relationship.

Pocketing

Sarah resumed her relationship with Mike. In weeks that followed, she began noticing that he was avoiding her.

He refused to introduce Sarah to his family and wider social circle, leaving Sarah feeling socially isolated.

This is a sign of pocketing, a new term that gained popularity among Millennials and Gen Z on social media.

It is often taken to mean the act of keeping a romantic partner hidden from family and friends, indicating reluctance to commit fully.

Cultural pressures and family expectations to maintain a certain image may lead one to resort to pocketing.

Pocketing leaves a heavy toll on victims, sparking insecurity and trust issues.

Slow fading

Emma, 27, has been seeing her boyfriend Ben for two years when she noticed the communication between them dwindling.

Soon, plans got cancelled at the last minute and Ben started making excuses, before cutting her off completely from his life.

Almost similar to ghosting, slow fading takes place more gradually as a partner decreases contact in phases, leaving the other person in a state of ambiguity.

Slow fading usually leaves a person without closure, making it difficult for the victim to make sense of what had transpired.

As for Emma, she did not realise the relationship had ended until weeks later, leaving her hurt and traumatised.

Orbiting

Months passed and Emma started feeling stronger after signing up for therapy and counselling.

But soon, her ex’s name began appearing in her notifications – as Ben was following her stories and status updates on social media, even liking her posts and pictures.

Yet, he never made direct contact with Emma, leaving her confused about his intention.

This behaviour is called orbiting, in which a person makes minimal effort to remain on someone’s radar.

Orbiting is the new dating terminology said to have been coined by an online blog site.

A 2022 study in Journal of Social and Personal Relationships said orbiting was a sign of emotional ambivalence where a person has difficulty in detaching yet not wanting to commit fully.

In an article on Forbes.com, University of Milano-Bicocca’s Milan Social Psychology associate professor Dr Luca Pancani said that in orbiting, the disengager (in this case Ben) will follow the victim (Emma) on social networking sites after the breakup.

The article said, “With the advent of the digital era, these practices have become increasingly common thus gaining the attention of researchers”.

Paper clipping

Weeks went by before Emma heard from Ben again.

“Hey, what’s up?” read his message. Though short and casual, it was enough to bring up memories Emma wanted to leave behind.

In the next few months, Ben continued sending similar messages sporadically, though he fell short of stating his intentions.

According to reports, paper clipping is when someone you have lost contact with resurfaces sporadically with minimal engagement, just enough to keep you as an option but without an intention to commit.

Paper clipping comes from Clippy, the early 2000 Microsoft animated paperclip figure that pops up on and off, offering tips and suggestions.

Benching

After six months of going on dates with Adam, Nadia had hoped he would finally define their relationship.

But her hopes were dashed when she found out that Adam was seeing other women too.

Adam had been benching her – a term used when someone keeps another as a backup option.

By keeping connections casual and non-exclusive, a bencher gets to enjoy freedom without being tied down by commitment.

A 2023 article in The International Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health highlighted that the rise in online dating has promoted benching behaviours, largely thanks to illusions of endless options on dating apps.

Benching creates uncertainty and leaves the recipient feeling undervalued.

*All names of interviewees have been changed to protect their identities.