I told my wife to block her ex.

Back story, me and my wife, both age 39 have been married for 10y, together for 14.

Now I have to be open about my failings to provide a fair picture, I have not always been the perfect husband, while I have never physically cheated, about 5-6 years ago I did allow another female friend to get far too close and that definitely caused some issues in our marriage.

My wife had mentioned numerous times that she was uncomfortable with the relationship and I didn’t respect her wishes until it was to late and damage had already been done. Now I live with that regret daily and work every day to show her she is all that matters to me. For the last 4+ years we have been working on our marriage and I honestly thought we were in a good spot and both happy.

About a month ago her phone was damaged and through the process of getting her a new phone, I came to learn that for the last year or so she has been talking to the guy she dated before we met.

What seemed to start as a once in a while how’s life going type Convo progressed to a talking everyday type situation. Now, keep in mind this is a person who up until finding this, I never knew the name, never knew he existed.

They seem to have become very close over the past year or so of talking as I saw pics indicating he knows details about our children, and she knows details about his friends and family that one would not normally know. I found pics sent between them and messages that I was not comfortable with, but nothing indicating anything physical had occurred, and in all fairness he lives a state away, they talk on social, text and phone.

However when I asked her about who the person was she lied saying just someone she talks to once in a while.

And her biggest concern was if I was going to reach out to him or his wife, supposedly he is getting divorced and that’s why he reached out to her to talk about the divorce. As a result of the discussions that occurred the next couple days, I told her that I felt she was betraying me and had blown my trust I wasn’t comfortable and wanted him removed and blocked from her life (something I have never said or asked for once in our entire relationship) she was unwillingly saying I was controlling but gave me her word that she wouldn’t talk to him anymore. I told her I was going to try my best to trust her to do that and I would move on.

Now about a month later I find out that they are still talking, although I don’t yet know how often. I haven’t told her I know they are still talking yet, but inside I’m pretty upset. Am I being unreasonable? Am I the asshole for having an issue with what she claims is just a friendship? And now being even more upset that she told me she would stop and didn’t? Or am I just a hypocrite for having done worse? So at this point I’m giving her a choice him or me and there is no option where both are in her life.