Out of the blue and completely unexpected, I found out my husband cheated.

That was last year in December, right after Christmas. As I was taking stuff out from the car boot, found some loose flower petals. One thing led to another, I checked his fb history, and he confessed.

He actually bought flowers for that woman on Christmas and lied to me that he had to go back office for urgent work. He cried and begged he won’t do it again, even hit his own head and swore that he was just keeping the woman company cuz she was gg through a difficult period.

I dk wat to do, shock, anger, the “what to do now, how other women in my situation cope” feeling. Feminism says to kick our unfaithful men out and move on with our lives, but I keep asking myself, do I really have the courage?

Do I really want my daughter to be fatherless? She will grow up being labelled as from single-parent family.

Now we are still tgt. Just living day by day but I have not forgiven him. It’s very trying and tiring. I’m not sure if I really want to lose my husband, but I don’t want my daughter to lose her father. At 8yo, she still needs him now and for many more years.

I try to act normally and pretend that everything is alright, especially when my daughter is ard, but when I’m alone, I get these angry and ugly thoughts. We no longer sleep on the same bed. I try to make a conscious effort not to think of the past, but really, I’m just hanging in there.

Should I forgive him?

There will always be this scar, this devastation in my heart. I always teach my daughter that forgiveness is a virtue, that one shd’nt be petty in life. That was what my mum taught me.

But presently I’m not doing what I teach her. How can I tell her there are things in life we can forgive and forget, and certain things we shd’nt tolerate? I dw her to go through the ugly adult world at such a small age. What if what my mum taught me was for a world which no longer exists, when most men were still faithful?

I’m trying to let go and move on, but how? I’m surprised at myself for keeping so calm, at least on outside. But its tormenting, I might just break down one day.

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