I hate my best friend but I’m going to be her bridesmaid

I met my best friend 10 years ago when we were 16. I didn’t like her at first but she saw me laughing and decided she was going to be my friend and so she would constantly make conversation until I couldn’t ignore her and we became best friends.

We were both outsiders with us moving from different schools at around the same time so we never had other friends but each other in our final years of school. As we have grown up we kept our friendship and remained just as close.

About 4 years ago I met this boy named Jacob. He was my first boyfriend. I’ve never been pretty so he was the first guy to show me attention outside of hook ups.

He took me on my first proper date, we started to plan moving in together and discussing out future I was truly happy.

But then after a year he said words that made my stomach drop. He asked me if I would mind he he could start dating my best friend.

I can tell you the exact details of that day. I had just finished work, I had a really good day because my favourite dog had come in and I was on my way back.

My phone rang in the car and Jacob said he wanted to talk. He told me he had been talking to my best friend for a while and that he fell in love with her and wanted to know if it was ok to start dating her. She also felt the same way about him but said he had to get my permission before they took things further out of respect.

Sophie (my best friend) has always been the pretty one which has never been an issue. Ofc she is beautiful I tell her that all the time.

So in my head it made perfect logical sense. I just said it was fine. I packed Jacobs things up out of my house and handed them to him with a smile and congratulated them.

It wasn’t until the next day I even cried or got angry. But ever since the resentment has been building. It isn’t like a “I hate her” kind of resentment. I’m still her friend but it’s like I can’t be with her for longer than a few hours or everything she does starts to annoy me.

Why does she look at her phone so much? Why does she expect me to buy her so much? Why is everything she says only about her? Why does she talk over everyone? You know? Just those tiny things you used to ignore become unbearable so I have to make an excuse and go.

Well now 3 years after the break up they are getting married. And she wants me to be head bridesmaid. I don’t want to say yes.

The thought makes me feel sick. I hate my best friend so much I don’t want to be a part of her wedding but I know I will say yes. Because if I say no it will make her unhappy and I’d become the bad guy.

So I’ll be the head bridesmaid whose one and only boyfriend left her for the bride. And I’ll smile and act happy. Maybe the universe will have mercy and have a truck run me over on the way to the rehearsal dinner or something