I’ve been with my bf for almost a year a now, everything was going well until I found out that at the start of our relationship (3-4 months in), he was still infatuated with an ex-colleague that he never got together with.

They went out on a couple of dates, he confessed but it didn’t work out. Which was the reason why I found him on tinder – he was just there to clear his mind from that episode and by a random spark of chance, we clicked and got together.

To give abit of background, I’ve had a bad history of being cheated on/lied to only to find out later – naturally I do have my walls/insecurities, although I try not to amplify it in the current relationship.

This incident took a toll on me and we had a few HTHTs to talk things out. As much as he tries to convince me that he has left it all behind at this point and he loves me very much, there was this one question I asked him to be totally honest about.

I asked him if he would leave me for N (ex col) if she reciprocated his feelings at the start of our relationship?

He told me yes there’s a chance that he might have but he would not trade me for anybody now. In the months that we were together, he has also never met her or intentionally chat her up.

He has been apologizing for the hurt caused and admitted that he was selfish for doing so – I asked for a break-up but I guess I wasn’t ready for it either, so it’s been a few weeks since I’ve found out… but I have never been the same.

Most of the time I feel like an option, I get very irritated at the smallest wrong that he does thinking he owes me 3 months of my life living like a replacement and I lash out frequently and then feel bad. (cannot control lol)

Through these few weeks, despite my craziness, I can feel the effort he has poured in to be a better bf and to patch things up. However there’s this voice in my head which keeps reminding me of how he could have left me at the start and this fear that it might happen with someone else in the future (to which he gave me his word for but words are cheap ain’t it).

I’m not sure what to do, or where to go from here so any answers would be appreciated.