My story is quite long, I want to tell it because I want therapy and hopefully something can be used as a lesson for those out there.

I apologize first if my writing is bad. So I write according to comfort.

My story may be a bit cliche because it’s about people’s husbands, but wait, hopefully, someone will read it to the end.

I’ll tell you my background first, I’m N, I used to be a popular at school, because I’m smart and active.

Even near the university, I was one of the smart ones, I was the best in all semesters except semester 1.

Even though I’m active and popular, I’m not the type that likes dating until I’m 25 years old. I’ve never been in a relationship, because I’m really picky, it’s easy to say I’m fussy, and I want to fall in love before marriage, gitewww..but it’s true..

I have many friends (male and female) because I am happy, go lucky and easygoing. To cut a long story short, my character is actually a naive, kind person who can’t say no, and I never feel that people who come to be friends with me have bad intentions.

My parents are the old school type who really put a lot of emphasis on religion and education, but I’m the type who doesn’t spill the gravy on the rice when it comes to religion. So I have “rebellious behavior” that wants to try the outside world. Want to live overseas

I am grateful that so far my life journey has been very smooth. I never felt there was a problem. I finished my final exam and got a job at an audit firm and my starting salary can be considered high in those days.

That’s when it all started.

I met K when I was 25 years old, K was the same age, I was the naive one who never thought K was married, I enjoyed the feeling of being loved, loved and caressed,

I like K who is protective because K is not like the man I knew before, K is very understanding, very responsible, and has a kind face, I really aim, “yes, he’s the one, husband material”.

Always meet texting,vc always for 6 months. That’s right, if we are always two, there will be a third,

From the beginning I was with K only lightly, because at that time I still stubbornly refused, still guarding my dignity, until it was 6 months, the devil managed to incite us, we managed to sleep once and I lost my V that day.

This time because my lust has not realized that I have lost everything that day. “Forgive us both, O God.” This is where the black moment of my suffering began.

One day, I was tickled to find out about K, that’s when I stalked FB and found out that he is the husband of someone who has been married for 3 years but has not been blessed with children. K got married young, that’s why at first I didn’t think K was married.

I confronted him, but was persuaded to stay and I stayed. This time I realize I will be sick, but I was deceived by K’s promise to marry me, and I was deceived by my own expectation that K would make me number 2 “I am stupid at this time, yes I will not deny it”.

Our relationship continued for 4 years, we kept this relationship a secret from A, wife K until I was 29 years old.

I forgot to tell you about K’s background, K is a contractor, self-employed, when he first got to know me, K’s business just wants to grow, and when K’s business wants to grow, K needs my help, I help K part-time (my work manage accounts and calculate taxes).

In 2 years I helped K until K’s business was quite stable. Cheating men always make their wives worse, right?

K is not like that, someone who cares a lot about me, is responsible with his wife, if K comes home I won’t mess it up. I focus on my career. For your information, I have a very stable career at the moment and I like my work, this is my ambition.

We once planned to get married in Thailand, but because K is a responsible person, he said “If I’m going to take you as my second wife, I will do it in the right way”. K wants to get his wife’s approval first. And he wants to take me nicely to my parents.

But to cut a long story short, and maybe God wants to save me, after 7 years of marriage to wife K, A suddenly got pregnant, all this time it was never close.

So permission to get married is postponed until my relationship with K cantoi when A is 3 months pregnant, today we had a fight,

K blocked me on all social media, the next day A was diagnosed with a miscarriage. Only after a week of this incident did I know the true story my friend K told me,

During that week, I was crying because I was afraid of losing K, at the same time a feeling of guilt haunted me, “Oh God, what have I done, are people arguing about me? Did it fall because of me?”

K and I broke up about a year ago. During that time, I became lonely, depressed, desired to have S and miss his hugs, feel guilty because of adultery, fear that if I don’t marry K who else will marry me?

I want a child too.. but at the same time I feel guilty, that thing eats me, I go in and out of the hospital, my body becomes weak, I become more and more friendless, I go back to work and cry on the side corner of the bed.

I am stuck.