Is my man using me for my money?

People say it’s hard for a woman who makes a lot of money to find a partner. I did not want to believe this but I am now beginning to see some truth in this statement.

I now make around $22k a month. Some time ago, I met and got together with a guy, A, who makes a fraction of what I make. He is only younger by about 2 years but his take home is about $3k a month. I am 35 this year.

At first, I did not find it an issue that he makes so much lesser, and really, come to think of it, a meagre amount for someone his age. After all, I myself did not come from a well to-do family. I worked very hard to get to where I am. In any event, I thought that as I make enough to support myself, it is not important how much he makes as long as he’s able to take care of himself.

In my early twenties, I made a meager $1.5k. I did not get to spend all my salary. $500 would go to my family as allowance and $500 would be set aside immediately as savings. With my savings and a scholarship, I was able to obtain the required qualification to pursue my current career.

A has been making around $2k-3k the past 10 years, doing various freelance jobs. He gives fitness training and is a graphic designer. Often, he wouldn’t be able to explain where he sees himself in 5 to 10 years time. He maxes out his credit cards on “wants” more than “needs”. He would throw away his Clothes after a few wears only because they are starting to look worn when they’re still in good condition. As the only son of 2 siblings he is unable to explain how he plans to take care of his parents in the future for “that’s their problem”. As for his career, he would often talk about starting his own fitness / design company but when questioned further he’s unable to verbalise how he plans to realise that.

Recently, he started to drop hints about things he wants but cannot afford (travel, a new watch, phone etc.). He’s never travelled before and his phone and watch are old. Even though these are things I could afford and as much as want to give it to him out of love, I did not do so. I felt that if he were more careful with his monies, and planned better, these are things he could afford himself. I did not want to set a bad precedent. When I refused, he threw a fit and questioned my love for him.

Eventually I did get him the things he wanted. I followed with a conversation about his management of his finances. After all, I didn’t get to where I am without the help of the people around me who’s made it. And everyone needs a leg up from time to time. Some encouragement.

But things went from bad to worse. He now expects it as of right (even for me to pay for all our meals) and even barked at me on “how easy” it is for me to do these things given how much I make and I shouldn’t make an issue out of non-issues.

Everything is beginning to make me feel like I am with a person with no intention of carrying his own weight and is with me for my money.

I don’t have a choice but to leave him. Not because of how little he makes but how different we are in terms of how we manage our finances and plan for the future. And mostly how I do not like to feel like I am being used.

I want to think that money shouldn’t be an issue when it comes to love but the truth is where someone is financially says a lot about their choices and judgement too.