MY wife left me for my best friend and I’m still destroyed about it

Everyone is sick of me, so I just need a place to scream into the void.

My wife of 3 years left me for my best friend while I was at my grandpa’s funeral under the guise of polyamory, and then strung me along for 3 months until she eventually broke up with me.

The only reason I didn’t just leave right away is I trusted her more than I respected myself, since she was my wife. I always grew up with the express perspective that I would die alone, and never marry since I can only imagine divorce. But she changed that, I really felt like we had a future.

Well, I’m back to the mindset there is no relationship built to last. That was my first and last foray into marriage, and it’s incredibly painful.

Evidently I’m the problem. Both of my two closest people left me and told me they left to be happier. All the time they spent with me was time they happily left behind in hopes of being happy. That surely must mean I’m a toxic person with a toxic personality.

To corroborate that, every single other friend I have almost actively avoids me I feel like. It could be because I’m annoying, I talk too much, I’m too insecure, I’m too critical, I don’t care. I just wish someone in my life would care about me, and not leave me. But I’m starting to realize that that’s a really tall order.

At this point I really want to stop the tidal waves of pain that surges through my mind and heart. I’m so unhappy now, and I’ve been on the edge of things for a while now. I just need something to keep me from falling.

If you read this, thank you. I hope you have a nice day