I’m 25 years old this year, and I don’t have a boyfriend yet. The reason is because I’m fat.

Growing up, I’ve always been on the larger side as compared to the rest of my friends. I’m currently 160cm and 65kg. Like all plus sized individuals, I’ve been continuously teased and made fun of throughout my life because of my weight. From primary school, to secondary school, to JC, and even now, in the working world, I endure backhanded comments like “You would look so much prettier if you slimmed down.” and much more.

I know that fat people are essentially disliked and looked down upon, if I can use that phrase. We don’t get attention from people other than when it’s to ridicule us. Some people make friends with us out of pity. But it’s not like I haven’t made an effort to slim down. I’ve tried everything: going on a diet, exercising daily (which I still do), eating medicine, fasting et cetera., but even if they worked, the results are not amazing. I will admit I’ve lost weight from some of these methods, but not enough for me to become attractive to the male gaze.

One thing I want to know is, is personality not enough for guys? I know that I’m not “ugly”. I take care of my skin well, I think I have a pretty average face (if you excuse the weight), the only problem with me is that I’m fat. I also agree that I would look better if I slimmed down, who doesn’t? But why do some guys overlook me as a whole and only focus on appearance?

Personally, my type of guy is not a lot to ask for. I just want a nice guy that’s kind to me and treats me well. Disclaimer, I know, of course, aesthetics play a part, and even though I don’t mind dating a fat guy, I know plenty of girls who would mind. But since my experience is with guys and not girls, this is what I’m focusing on.

I’ve went on a few dates through dating apps. Each and every time after the date, the guy would tell me something along the lines of “I think you’re very fun to be around, but I don’t think we’re suitable for each other.” and if I press further, it would usually end with them saying “My ideal type is someone slimmer.” Dashing my hopes is a normal experience for me on dates now. Honestly, I’m not sure why they would agree to a date if they know I’m not their “type”. Maybe to ridicule me? I’m used to it anyway.

Anyway, back to the problem and my question, do guys really think that appearance triumphs personality every single time? Even if a woman is a complete and utter asshole, but is beautiful, are guys willing to enter into a relationship with them? And is that the reason why I’ve not been successful in getting a partner even now? If so, even if I manage to slim down, I wouldn’t be loved for who I am, but rather what I look like. Then how would the relationship ever work?

Please offer me your guidance and answers everybody, I’m truly in desperate need of this.

P.S. Maybe some people will ask me to stay single, girls can be independent too right? Yes, but I do also really want to find a partner to stay with when I grow older. It’s not my wish to be single forever, although others may feel differently.