Inherited Baggage

“We Stayed Together For The Kids” — But What Did That Teach Them About Love?

Staying together for the kids sounds selfless, but experts say the impact is long-lasting and not always healthy.

by Julie Sprankles

May 8, 2025

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We stayed together for the kids.

It’s a sentence that, even if you’ve never uttered it, you’ve probably heard someone you love say. The person saying it may be unhappy or heartbroken, but they believe the way they feel is a worthy sacrifice if it makes their children’s lives better. Does it, though? Kids are more intuitive than we often give them credit for. They notice the way their parents speak to each other — or don’t. They may not understand it, but they feel the quiet tension in the room. And, over time, that emotional climate becomes an emotional blueprint. But how much does your relationship shape your kid’s future relationships, really?

Scary Mommy reached out to psychologists, therapists, divorce pros, and more for insight on what kids learn about love by watching their parents. Spoiler: It’s not whether you stay or separate that defines your child’s emotional future; it’s what your child sees and hears when you and your partner (or ex) interact.