Robert Eggers's black and white film about two lighthouse keepers in the late 19th century terrorizes the senses for nearly two hours. And while The Lighthouse has been lauded by critics across the board (and currently named Esquire's best movie of the year), it's also absolutely bananas. This is in no small part due to Robert Pattinson's violent treatment of his penis. There is a lesson to be learned. Stick with me.